Fatladdin

So, I was trying out this new gym in town called “Persia-nal Trainers,” when I notice something golden glittering behind the stationary bikes.

I’m always leaving water bottles at the gym, so I was delighted to pick up a lost bottle. There was some writing on the side, so I rubbed it with my sweat towel to see if I could read it.

Suddenly, a strange figure materialized from a cloud of smoke that emitted from the bottle.

“Greetings!” spoke the enormous figure, stroking a magnificent goatee. “I am Gene from the bottle.”

“I thought it was “genie,” I remarked.

“I’m a boy, dumbass,” intoned the imposing figure, a stern expression on his face. “I can grant you one wish as payment for releasing me from my eternal imprisonment.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I answered. “I thought I get three wishes.”

“What can I say?” frowned Gene. “This economy is affecting us all…”

“Okay,” I muttered. “One wish… one wish…”

“C’mon, already,” whined Gene. “I’ve got a reservation at Alli Baba Ganoush and the 40 Pitas.

“There’s so many things I could wish for,” I frowned. “A magic scale that never shows a gain, pants that never get tight, magic donuts that burn calories, running shoes that actually do the running for you…”

“I may be immortal, but I don’t have all day,” growled Gene.

“I wish… I wish…,” I said. “I wish I could think of something really good. Oh wait… I’ve got it.”

“Your wish has been granted!”

“Wait!” I shrieked. “I was gonna wish for an unlimited supply of wishes…”

The genie had already disappeared, but as I stood there in the empty gym, a smile crossed my lips.

“Hey, free water bottle!”

I Wish...

One day, while reaching down to pick up a lucky penny that was resting precariously atop a four-leaf clover, I spotted a shooting star blazing across the sky.

So I made a wish…

• I wished that foods that do our bodies little good…fat, sugar and salt…didn’t have such a stranglehold on the wiring inside our heads. It’s never made much sense to me that a brain responsible for our body’s wellbeing would encourage such poor decision-making when it comes to self-preservation.
  
  
• I wished that my kids (and your kids, I suppose) would embrace the importance of healthy eating and exercise and not make the mistakes that you and I made in our misspent youth.
  
  
• I wished that I was sitting on a beach in Hannalai Bay in Kauii chowing down on some fresh pineapple and watching surfers falling off their boards.
  
  
• I wished that those in need of a spark to really and truly get going on this adventure can be hit with a lightening bolt of inspiration and commitment, that they can get that push they need to take that fateful leap.
  
  
• I wished that this good positive energy I’m feeling most days could be bottled up and saved for those times when I wonder if it’s all worth it, when I feel like letting it all go and just do whatever it is I do to mess myself up. And I wish I could share it, maybe just provide a little sample, to all those who question whether the effort and sacrifice are worth the end result.
  
  
• I wished that tomatoes at the Farmer’s Market weren’t so damned expensive.
  
  
• I wished that each of us had the wherewithal to gracefully handle the stresses that we all face… the health concerns and the financial worries, the headaches at the office and heartaches within our homes, the little day-to-day dramas and the big world-shaking catastrophes. And I wished that those times that our faith would be tested would be few and far between...
  
  
• I wished that, one this day, everyone who reads these words would find a clarity of purpose and a strength of will to accomplish what they’ve set out to do on this journey, and that they succeed beyond the the wildest of their dreams.

“May you have love that never ends,
lots of money and lots of friends.

Health be yours, whatever you do
and may God send many blessings to you.”
–Old Irish blessing