Monday, October 5, 2009

Dial-A-Spiel

I don’t know exactly how much encouragement you need today… a gentle nudge, a swift firm kick in the seat of the pants or my patented scorched-earth special. Whatever level of push you require, I’ve crafted this post to suit your needs. Just follow the color-coded key to dial up (or down) the rhetoric.

You are on a weight-loss journey, and you’ve been doing pretty well not doing as well as you should sucking ass. The thing is, there’s a world of health and opportunity out there and it’s time for you to grab your fair share. Because, let’s face it, you deserve it it’s not going to come looking for you you’re acting about as interested as a dead squirrel.

Rise up and make this happen, my friend. Get busy and get going get your life started get your head out of your ass. The time is now, and you need to reach out and take it you need to act like you give a damn you need to quit being a big–and I mean “big”–baby and start doing it. That’s right, it’s time to get going it’s time to do it if you’re ever gonna to do it it’s time to put your large girl panties on and act like you want it.

You know the drill. You know what you need to do and you know that it’s in you to do it. I truly believe that if you seek greatness, you will find it if you want it badly enough you’ll find a way to find success you won't find it unless you get serious enough to slide your Titantic-sized ass right by all these icebergs.

Do you really want it? Well, if you do then you really need to step it up and take it you really need to push yourself to another level you need to quit being a whiny little b*tch and get after it.

It’s time for you to get your head in the right place, and put the focus on what exactly needs to be done. The day ahead is bright and beautiful and there’s absolutely no reason that you can’t achieve every goal you’ve set for yourself dig down a little deeper and tap into that well of strength and determination that dwells inside you quit eating like a grizzly bear at an all-you-can-eat salmon and honeycomb buffet.

Be the person that deep down you know you can be, that strong-willed trooper with brains and will-power, the drive to succeed and the heart to go the distance. Anything less would be selling yourself short would leave you knowing that you cheated yourself out of the future you deserve and I’ll come to your house and hit you upside the head with an ironing board.

You can do this! I know you can, and more importantly, I think you know you can. And I truly believe this: you’ll soon be making enormous strides and accomplishing great things the sooner you get really serious about this journey, the sooner you’ll start standing in front of the mirror and admiring a fitter new you if you’re here for serious weight loss advice, you’re in worse shape than I realized.

This is a great adventure and I wish you all the best all the success you deserve would begin already.

39 comments:

  1. Ha! Nice post... I always love the uniquely customizable quality of your posts :)

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  2. Guess I will stop being a whiny little bitch lol

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  4. I'll take a scorched earth (with a side of fries)

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  5. But I like being a whiny little bitch! Cardio doesn't bring out the best in me. I do it, but I don't like it, and I reserve the right to moan and kvetch as much as necessary to up the ante and power through.

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  6. I'm definately in that red catagory. Just what I needed today!

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  7. Love this Jack! Thanks so much. Not only are you clever but it is just what I needed. I am between yellow and red right now so I read both. In fact, I know lots of people who need one of the available levels so I will be directing them to your post.

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  8. I am loving the audience participation! Lots of energy, especially considering your last one. I must confess that I only just read your blog the last couple days. Now I will definitely become committed ;)

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  9. last week.. i so needed the red.. and I gave it to myself. Now I'm the turquoise.. with a bit of yellow.

    Thanks Jack. I'm linking this for future reference when I need an ironing board to the head. :)

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  10. Colors really clever!!!! :) I don't know what I need right now, probably the biggest red you can come up with, but I am not asking for it!!

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  11. What about your color blind readers? ;)

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  12. Forget the ironing board and bring the iron. I need all the bullying... er, help that I can get!

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  13. Thanks for the ass kicking! Always needed on a Monday.

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  14. omygoodness... yeah well. Im defintaley the red today. I DO eat like a grizzly bear at an all u can eat salmon and honey comb buffet...errr I LOVE SALMON AND HONEY COMB! :( really though, thanks for the inspirational post. very sweet! :)

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  15. FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A lot of people need that red, unfortunately. It ain't going to come to you. You have to work for it! That in the face stuff is required for some! The yellow is great to for those that get it but don't push themselves to the level that they know they can do! You can do more than your mind says you can!

    Love love love it!

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  16. Always giving me what I need when I need it. Thanks Jack!

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  17. Very inventive Jack!!! Thanks for the pep talk. I'd be happy with even half the lose you had this week *smile*.

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  18. Love. it.

    You are made of awesome! :o)

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  19. PS--I couldn't decide which colour I needed, so I mixed and matched.

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  20. Okay i'm pulling up my big girl panties :)

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  21. No matter how much my day sucks you always get me laughing. I am feeling turquoise but couldn't resist reading the yellow and red.

    This is right up there with "Reverse It."

    Thanks for the great post.

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  22. I almost want to fall off the wagon eat 5000 calories in 1 days just so you can kick my ass!

    I am so glad I "found" you!

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  23. I Chris, am adding to your award shelf with an 'over the top" award. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make this list remotely interesting. This award is specifically targeted at you. I chose you, Jack, because I think you could somehow do the list backwards in pig latin, and include the league of extraordinarily fat gentlemen while making it funny....or not. It's up to you. While I merely have tinker bell pj's. You have an ocean of wit and wisdom to explore. I wish you luck. Oh, you'll also have to pick it up from my blog. Where it will linger in relative obscurity. If you refuse, you'll be crushing freedom, democracy and the american way. You'll also kill a kitten. No pressure.
    Good luck.

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  24. I need the red desperately. I ate a cupcake and a slice of birthday cake today. Maybe I just need a piece of tape across my mouth. Thanks for the kick.

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  25. Nothing like a little Calvin and Hobbs to help get the point across. I think I still have a few Calvin and Hobbs books laying around somewhere, awesome comic lol.

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  26. ok ok, this is the one i HAVE to print out and put by my computer. YES SIR DRILL SERGEANT!!!

    lol LOVE IT. :) CARPEE DIEM FAT BUTTS

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  27. Yellow is "caution" and Red is "warning" And I'm mostly yellow but sliding towards red. Needed this absolutely.

    Catching up on your posts... your "I know an Old Lady who swallowed a fry etc was amazingly clever - with a GREAT message. Also something I really needed to hear.

    Coming to your blog for wt loss advise - not a bad idea 'cuz its honest, to the point, no excuses, take no prisoners, no bullsh*t. Thanks Jack

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  28. I think that about covers it Jack!

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  29. Another great post Jack. I've mentioned it again on my blog. Check it out here: http://losingweightafter45isabitch.blogspot.com/2009/10/another-theme.html

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  30. You sure know how to write a post that hits everyone square in the forehead!

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  31. Excellent.

    I love the ending:

    "And I wish you.......... would begin already." Exactly. LOL.

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  32. Oh, I love the colored "Choose your own beating" posts.

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