Thursday, October 7, 2010

Things You Can Say to Me That Might Make Me Kill You

For the most part, I’m not a violent guy. However, there’re a few comments that you can make around me these days that might make me go ballistic…

  • “I can eat anything I want and I never gain any weight...”
  • “Start over with those bench presses; I wasn’t counting…”
  • “I went ahead and put butter on your popcorn.”
  • “Have you gained weight?”
  • “I’m sorry… I forgot to bring your salad dressing on the side…”
  • “Great job! Here’s a king-sized Snickers bar.”
  • “You just won a year’s supply of donut holes!”
  • “I’m sorry… the gym is closed this week.”
  • “Free cotton candy! Get your free cotton candy!”
  • “For some reason, drinking beer makes me lose weight…”
  • “I think that scale is light by a couple of pounds.”
  • “The ‘Plus Size’ section is right over there.”
  • “There’s free pizza in the break room!”
  •  “Would you like fries with that?”
  • “Here! Try a sample of our fresh pecan pie…”
  • Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit? Never heard of it…”


  1. Being violent burns calories. I'm just sayin'.....

  2. I can relate to so many of those. As soon as you take one giant step forward, "excuse me Sir here is something to really screw your progress."

  3. totally agree, have you heard that if you eat standing up the calories don't count ;-)...

  4. For the females..."When are you due?"

  5. LOL

    Oh Bubba..the "when are you due?" is a DEADLY question..don't EVER ask a woman that!

  6. How about. "You look just like Mayor McCheese"... not sayin you do, did, ever will, or, well, yeah; have a nice day.

  7. How about.....

    "Oh I get it. You are on a diet."

  8. Can I please add "I barely even broke a sweat"
    Spoken by someone at the finish line of my first 5K as I hauled my fat, sweaty backside across the finish line.

  9. Yeah, I've gotten the "you're expecting" comment from a bike mechanic. Nearly shoved my bike up his... *ahem* never mind.

  10. Agree with so many of them, including the one added: when's the baby due? Argh! Or: Just one taste won't hurt your diet. Yeah, right. Or: you deserve to splurge because you've lost so much weight. Pbst! Vee at

  11. Hi! I am new here and am now following your blog. It is so inspiring to meet others striving to be healthier. Please feel free to pop by my blog sometime. I am new and would love another follower!

    What drives me mad is when someone asks - "have you lost weight?" When I have actually only gained :s

  12. How about "You're not fat. You carry your weight well!" Grr...

  13. Oh! Oh! Oh! Another one..."You did lose weight. You look too skinny. Eat something!"

  14. Okay, one more..."You're not eating that much. It makes me feel like a pig!"

  15. Or, How about the Diet Police Squad, who, even after I've counted that mini Reese's Pieces into my WW daily points, say, "Should you *really* be eating that????" Thanks so much for validating my adulthood and ability to make decisions. Please go sit next to the doctor who stunningly told me I was carrying too much weight.

  16. HAHA! good ones to get violent about!

  17. How about..."Hey I just bought this 50 piece nugget, wanna split it with me?"

    For the record, 6 months ago I would have said yes and ate more than my share. :p

  18. My beloved coworkers brought in cupcakes and muffins for my birthday. The small ones. Because that's their interpretation of being healthy. Small heavily frosted cupcakes. Yeah, thanks. "One won't hurt, they're small!"

  19. After a :40 min intermediate yoga class, the smooth tall flexible yogi looking dude said "Is that sweat on your shirt?"


  20. My personal faves...
    From my co-workers: "You know you're really not a lot of fun to take out to lunch any more" (why because I eat well and don't drink, which forces you to take a good look at what you're eating?!?)
    "Great workout! Now you can stop at __ and get a donut, you deserve it!"

  21. I love the 'should you really be eating that' one. I love the raised eyebrows on the jerks who are too afraid to actually say that even better.
    'Yeah. I should be having this. The question is should I be stabbing you in the face or the gut. Which would you prefer?'

    Btw, according to my Fat Club points booster, stabbing one jerk would earn me 1 point. I assume it would be moderate intensity and last for 12 minutes.
    Totally worth it.

  22. "C'mon. You can eat a little of this won't hurt you"

    "Really? You lost weight?? Well, good for you!"

    I am sure I can bring more to the table, thanks to my dear sweet neighbor, later...

  23. Mmm, you forgot my all time favorite: "it's okay to have a little bit. . . "

    No. No it's not. I am clearly incapable of having just a little!

  24. That first one still bugs me even though I know some are just lucky that way! AND, I hate when the gym is closed for holidays! I know, they deserve a day off too!!!

    How about, and never me as I don't have biological kids... congrats on your pregnancy or "When are you due" but you are not pregnant! YIKES!

  25. The one that often happens to me, when going to get seconds of something like everybody else is doing, I get the 'Don't you think you've had enough? Better save some for the others'. This is especially mortifying because it's usually said in front of a room full of people!



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