Friday, October 22, 2010

Do the Opposite of What I Say

I don’t know why, but it’s easier for me to write stuff that’s the absolute opposite of what you should be doing than just continue preaching to the choir.

  • Treat working out like a job; call in and pretend to be sick when you don’t feel like going.
  • When you order a piece of cake, remember to ask for the frosting on the side.
  • Try not to drink more than one beer at a time.
  • Sex can burn over 300 calories per hour, so try to have at least six hours of it a day.
  • Don’t be intimidated by the fitness equipment; the worst that can happen is that you look foolish… or the weights fall while you’re doing chest presses and you crush your larynx.
  • Interval training is a great way to build up your stamina, so run one step, walk one step, run one step, walk one step….
  • Regular kettlebells are kind of heavy, so you should probably start off with inflatable kettlebells.
  • A slice of cake is kind of high in calories, but they don’t specify how big the slice can be. Go crazy!
  • It’s important to get plenty of sleep every day… at least that’s what you should tell your boss when he catches you napping in your cubicle.
  • Calcium is important to maintain bone density so try to drink a glass of milk or blue cheese dressing every day.
  • The baristas at Starbucks will tell you the nutritional information of your favorite coffee drinks if you ask, so for God’s sake–don’t ask!
  • Each day, try to work in 3-4 servings of fresh fruit or fruit-flavored candy.
  • Drinking water is a key component to weight loss, so try to drink at least a gallon while you’re swimming laps.
  • Blogging is important to maintain accountability; if you haven’t got time to create new content, just copy and paste some from somebody else’s blog.


  1. Great idea--inflatable kettleballs!! :-D
    Happy Friday Jack!

  2. Don't come to this blog for motivation or a good laugh 'cause it sucks .....remember it's opposites day?? :-)

  3. No time today to blog so I copied yours..Thanks

  4. If you ran one step walked one, would you go in circles?

  5. There are too many funny things in this post alone! Between crushing my larynx and drinking a gallon of water while swimming, it looks like I have a lot to do. Thanks for making my Friday Jack!

  6. Well a few days ago (as most days) you made some points that were too good and straight to the point, so I did point to your post and include a snippet! Lazy for sure, but you write it so well and I gave you full credit! :-)

  7. Okay, the blue cheese one made me gag...

    I think I'll copy this post for my blog. ;)

  8. Ewww on the drinking water while in the pool and on the plagiarizing too. ;)

    Great post. Opposite is a concept that I love since whenever I see, say, a Do Not Disturb sign, it always makes me want to disturb.

  9. Oh LAWD! Sex for 6 hrs a day?? The reality of that would be quite scary.

  10. I'm loving your blog Jack :) You have a new stalker *a-hem* follower!! x

  11. Oh Gosh, I loved this post. Too funny!!!

  12. Wait so what your really telling us is not to have sex for 6 hrs a day? ooops ;)

  13. I'm gutting myself laughing! As I do when I read most of your posts!!!! Your blog is great!



Related Posts with Thumbnails