Friday, October 15, 2010

This Post Will Self Destruct in 20 Minutes

Dear Mr. Sh*t,

I’m sure that you get asked a lot of favors. You seem like the type of guy that a lot of people ask for things.  But I figured I’d give it a go. Maybe you can use it as a blog post? Cause we all know you have to be getting tired of writing posts all the time. Seriously, where does all of it come from?? I don’t need the secret to weight loss; I want the secret to your humor!!! I figure the worst you could do was say was no, right? (Oh wait, you could publicly humiliate me in front of all of your followers?  Oh well, this girl has no shame.)

My name is Coree, and I’m a 25 year old girl living in Northern California. I graduated college a couple of years ago, and quickly discovered that my 9-5 job can easily suck out my soul, somehow magically turn it into fat, and than reattach it to my a**. Needless to say, I found myself at my heaviest weight ever. I really don’t remember how I came across my first weight loss blog, but before I knew it I was hooked. They gave me the final kick in the pants that I needed to get up, eat right, and start losing. I’ve lost about thirty pounds so far, but more importantly, I learned that I love to run.

In my never-ending quest for a smaller waist to get healthy, I too decided to try out the Couch to 5k program. The only time I ever ran before was to chase the ice cream truck, but this seemed doable. I ran my first 5k in June of this year, and I discovered that I actually liked running. So I wanted more. A few of my college friends introduced me to Team In Training, and I knew I wanted to join. The program provides a four month training program with professional coaches, workout schedules, and other runners so the daily training is a bit more bearable.

In return, I am committed to raising $2,500 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS), a national voluntary health agency dedicated to curing leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin’s disease and myeloma, and improving the quality of life for patients and their families.  Funds raised by LLS go to research, public education and patient services. It is a highly regarded nonprofit organization with 75% of all donations going directly to fund research and patient services (one of the highest percentages among charitable organizations).

It seems like a daunting amount of money. (Especially since whatever I don’t raise I have committed to donating myself. Yikes!)  I need help. I'm asking you to ask your followers to help. If every one of your followers donated $1.50 exactly I would reach $2500. A dollar and a half. How many times have we spent that on a soda that we didn’t need? How many times did you spend that in the office vending machine for that candy you just had to have? How many times have you spent that on the dollar menu because well, it’s only a dollar? (You see what I’m doing here, Jack?  I’m not only raising money for charity, I’m saving your people. It’s like I’m saving the world.) So I’m asking, instead of that candy bar, soda, or extra hamburger, you donate to LLS.

I know a lot of people will think “I don’t know Jack Sh*t about this girl! Why would I help her out?”  The thing is, it’s not about me. It’s about people living with blood cancer. It’s about the people whose loved one is living with blood cancer. It’s about the people who know someone whose loved one is living with blood cancer. Considering that once every 4 minutes someone is diagnosed with a type of blood cancer, I’d say this is a lot of people. This isn’t about me, it’s way bigger than that.

Any donation will help. Every dollar can make a difference. Donations are easily made by visiting my donation page ( anyone can securely contribute using a credit card. If anyone would prefer donating with a check or cash, please let me know. Finally (and most importantly), if anyone knows someone who has been afflicted with a blood-cancer, I would love to run in their honor as well. Please let me know any name(s).

A Very Humbled Reader Asking for Some Help,

P.S.  I attached a picture so you can see my face. It also has my dog in it. People like dogs right? Oh!  And babies! I attached one with my nieces as well. Psh, dogs and babies?  I so nailed this.

Note: regular Jack Sh*t programming will resume this afternoon.


  1. the link to her page is telling me they can't find the page!

  2. (Got the same thing) BUT Click on her link and then click the search by name here link, enter "Coree", and only one name pops up. Click on her name and you'll see the photo above. It's her, go ahead. She's at a bit over $700 right now. Yay!

  3. I had the same problem, they can't find her.


  5. Excellent! I just made a small donation, I wish it could have been more. Hopefully everyone will do the same!

  6. She said to let her know if I want to send a do I do that Jack? Email me please. :)

  7. Love it. At first I thought it was written by Mr. Sh*t himself! She certainly is a comely wench, with an awesome looking dog and nieces to match.

  8. So proud of you seeester! And I really like this blog too...

  9. Jack, that you do this is yet another indicator that you are, indeed, a true gent.

  10. Thank you all for helping Coree out. I'm her mom and couldn't be more proud. Coree introduced me to this blog a few months ago and I've laughed more times reading these posts than I can count! Thank you Jack for entertaining and educating us! And thank you for supporting my daughter :)

  11. What a lovely lady and cause! So fine, I will take two frozen yogurt cones (which I shouldn't be having anyway...) and give to this instead. :)



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