Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Tips for Healthy Traveling

I’m on the road this week, heading to beautiful San Diego for business meetings and to, in all likelihood, get thrown off a really beautiful golf course.

You see, I’m sort of like Tiger Woods. Well, not in the strict golfing sense; more in the self-destruction sense. Often my divot travels farther than the golf ball I’ve just hit. I’ve been told that my swing is a sight to behold... and not in a good way.

Losing this weight has affected what little golf game I had. In the past, I had this crazy slice where I started my drive started about 75 yards to the left and it curved back into the fairway (sometimes).

Now that my gut has gone bye-bye, my swing’s all over the place… and so is my golf ball. Thankfully, I don’t have much of a golf game to wreck. I’m absolutely the wrong person to ask for any golfing tips, but I have put together a list of helpful healthy traveling tips for your consideration…

  • Start any long travel day with a good, nourishing enema.

  • Forget the shuttle; walk from the airport to your hotel.

  • Keep a magic marker on you so that you can log all of your food on your arm.

  • If your hotel doesn’t have a fitness center, you can easily make one by getting a second room, buying a bunch of fitness equipment and stowing it all in there.

  • If you're going to be consuming any alcohol during your travels, remember the old health adage “candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.” I'm not exactly sure why you should remember that, but it's vitally important that you do.

  • Ask the hotel concierge to arm wrestle.

  • The mini-bar is dangerous territory for dieters. Immediately pour all liquids down the drain and flush all chips, cookies and large-sized candy bars. The peace of mind you receive will more than make up for the $4,000 the hotel will charge your credit card.

  • Keep plenty of raw fruits and vegetables, string cheese, bottled or boxed juices, nuts and … oh, that’s not going to happen!

  • A basic workout of situps, push ups, jumping jacks, yoga and stretching can be done during virtually any business meeting.

  • It’s important to stay hydrated when you travel, so carry plenty of water balloons in your briefcase.

  • While on the plane, run as fast as you can from one end of the plane to the other waving your arms wildly.

  • To make it easier not to overeat while traveling, be sure and go to restaurants you don’t like and order food that you hate.


  1. please, for the love of god, run through the plane. I have always wanted to read a blog post from someone in jail.

  2. That was hilarious. I thought I was going to get some real help from you since I , too, and on the lam right now....but I got a good laugh instead. I should've known better :-)

  3. Have a safe trip Jack! :) I'm in a conference for two days this week, I think I'll try jumping jacks during the boring sessions.

  4. Thanks for the timely tips as I head on my own trip in a couple of days:)

  5. I hope your game is a good one. Just have fun!

  6. usually you get better at physical activities with weight loss...hmmm, interesting my friend. Not trying to be mean here, but maybe golf was never really your game. But you know what? I bet you look damn good out there regardless of your skill level.

    My best always

  7. Wait a second....they charge for the mini-bar stuff? Wow---I owe Visa and The Hilton a giant apology.

  8. All excellent tips. Thank you for sharing!

  9. I'm sure if you wore your striped golf shirt it would make everything better Jack ;-)

  10. lol, u r too much! Have a safe trip and successful business dealings!
    my blog: www.it-is-time.com

  11. I've been traveling all wrong apparently. Thanks for setting me straight.

    Have a great trip! I don't know from golf but I'm sure you're worse than what you're letting on here. haha

  12. I knew I should of not gotten a shuttle. When I flew into Germany I showed up with 10 suitcases. Just imagine the calories I could of burned there.lol

  13. lol, bring string cheese and fruit..
    that's not going to happen..lol.
    No, it's not.
    I travel at the end of june...I am shooting for subways and coffee with splenda and diet cokes to get me through..that and a jillian micheals cd.
    Health nuts aren't we.

  14. HA!HA! :D That was good.
    Have a fun trip!

  15. Thanks for the tips Jack. I'm traveling this week as well so they'll definitely come in handy :)

  16. "Keep a magic marker on you so that you can log all of your food on your arm."

    Great tip!! Then you would really know when you go over your food allowances. I would use a permanent marker so everyone will know I ate 5 slices of pizza too until weigh-in...

  17. - Swimming laps in the hotel pool is a great way to stay active. Lose your trunks and start mumbling to yourself before hand to ensure you have the entire pool to yourself.

  18. It is amazing what a lack of girth can do to a golf swing!!

    I have no tips for you... amateurs teach amateurs to remain amateurs!

    Thanks Jack!


  19. Hmmm, after those tips I am kind of glad I don't have any trips planned ;)

  20. hey, that last tip can be used even when you're not traveling!

  21. Wow! I don't think you forgot anything.

    Enjoy your trip even the boring bits.

  22. OMG always the best advice (and best laughs) from J. Sh*t!

    The Tiger Woods part scared me a little bit. You are waaaaaaayyyy smarter than that guy! Like, you would at least not get caught, right?

  23. It's a good thing you're not a musician. I've heard [knew] someone who never got their HORRID teeth fixed because it might effect the tone of their flute. Can you imagine being forbidden to lose weight because of the effect on your swing? Hahahaha

    Covert Bailey claims to have jump roped down the aisles on a Pacific Ocean flight to Asia. Psh.

  24. Ah! San Diego! If only they could cut it out of California and move it! Anywhere!
    Good luck with the trip. If anyone can do it, you can.

  25. These are all wonderful trips. I wish I could have read these before I went away last weekend. I definitely think I would have kicked the concierge's ass at arm wrestling!

  26. I just landed after being gone for a week, and I'm excited because I kicked @ss while I was away. ;) I hope you have as much fun in San Diego as I had in Colorado...

  27. Wonderful tips. I prefer doing lunges while in a meeting. :)

  28. Hopefully there aren't any armed gaurds on the plane while you run back and forth. Lol. You are so amusing!

    Have a wonderful trip!

  29. Haha! I'm going to New Orleans in June, and I just might end up walking from the airport to our hotel. My husband hates to pay for cab fare!

    On our honeymoon, I had to walk everywhere in Santorini, Malaga, Cadiz, Lisbon--even though I had been really sick and was not quite better!(should I have thrown him in the ocean?)--and when we went to Vancouver for my 30th birthday, I had to walk everywhere there, too!

    I always lose weight on trips...

  30. SEE? who can compete with ThaSh*t? :)
    this was my thought for a guest post but notjokinglyandwaytotheseriousnessment.

    you are just too flippin talented.

  31. Finally! Practical tips I can really use.



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