More Healthy Travel Tips

I'm taking my high school senior daughter to Chicago to see whether or not that’s the place she wants to bankrupt me. Since I’m gonna be on the road, I thought it might be a good idea to share a few more rules for healthy traveling…

• Always go the wrong way on moving sidewalk at the airport
  
• Paying $7 for a lukewarm can on the plane will make you subconsciously start hating beer a little
  
• Wear the same outfit the entire trip and fill your carry-on with healthy food instead of extra clothes
  
• Window shopping is a good way to burn up excess calories; but remember to carefully wrap any windows you buy before bringing them back home
  
• It's easy to turn a hotel iron into a kettlebell; simply weld a large metal ball to the flat end of the iron. Voilá!
  
• Some fitness centers will let you try out their facility for free if you dress up like that Monopoly dude and say that you’re interested in buying the franchise
  
• Order food from room service, but have them deliver it three miles from your room
  
• Swallow the key to the hotel mini-bar
  
• Don’t forget seeds, soil and rapid-grow light bulbs so you can enjoy farm-fresh veggies while you’re away
  
• If you’re confronted by scary looking would-be muggers, it’s good exercise to run away from them as fast as you can
  
• Practice airplane bathroom yoga
  
• Walk all the way from your hotel room to where you hail a cab
  
• Remember, you don’t have to eat at fabulous restaurants just because they… excuse me… yes, reservation for two for “Sh*t”…

Tips for Healthy Traveling

I’m on the road this week, heading to beautiful San Diego for business meetings and to, in all likelihood, get thrown off a really beautiful golf course.

You see, I’m sort of like Tiger Woods. Well, not in the strict golfing sense; more in the self-destruction sense. Often my divot travels farther than the golf ball I’ve just hit. I’ve been told that my swing is a sight to behold... and not in a good way.

Losing this weight has affected what little golf game I had. In the past, I had this crazy slice where I started my drive started about 75 yards to the left and it curved back into the fairway (sometimes).

Now that my gut has gone bye-bye, my swing’s all over the place… and so is my golf ball. Thankfully, I don’t have much of a golf game to wreck. I’m absolutely the wrong person to ask for any golfing tips, but I have put together a list of helpful healthy traveling tips for your consideration…

• Start any long travel day with a good, nourishing enema.
  
  
• Forget the shuttle; walk from the airport to your hotel.
  
  
• Keep a magic marker on you so that you can log all of your food on your arm.
  
  
• If your hotel doesn’t have a fitness center, you can easily make one by getting a second room, buying a bunch of fitness equipment and stowing it all in there.
  
  
• If you're going to be consuming any alcohol during your travels, remember the old health adage “candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.” I'm not exactly sure why you should remember that, but it's vitally important that you do.
  
  
• Ask the hotel concierge to arm wrestle.
  
  
• The mini-bar is dangerous territory for dieters. Immediately pour all liquids down the drain and flush all chips, cookies and large-sized candy bars. The peace of mind you receive will more than make up for the $4,000 the hotel will charge your credit card.
  
  
• Keep plenty of raw fruits and vegetables, string cheese, bottled or boxed juices, nuts and … oh, that’s not going to happen!
  
  
• A basic workout of situps, push ups, jumping jacks, yoga and stretching can be done during virtually any business meeting.
  
  
• It’s important to stay hydrated when you travel, so carry plenty of water balloons in your briefcase.
  
  
• While on the plane, run as fast as you can from one end of the plane to the other waving your arms wildly.
  
  
• To make it easier not to overeat while traveling, be sure and go to restaurants you don’t like and order food that you hate.