Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Sh*t Jack Sh*t Says

Just some random lines pulled from random blog posts. YOU say I'm lazy, but I say I'm CRAZY EFFICIENT! 

If you’re a zombie, instead of brains, why not try half brains and half cottage cheese?

For some reason, almost all overweight African-American women get upset when you call them “Precious”

It’s on like Genghis Khan playing ping pong versus Donkey Kong.

 “Lawzy, we gots to have a dietitian. I don't know nothin’ ‘bout countin’ no calories!”

Spongebok Choypants!

How’d you like to come back to my place and sit on my feet while I do sit-ups?

“Soylent Green is people! And it’s high in fat and sodium!”

Like to eat when you're stressed out? Next time, try having an uncontrollable crying fit instead.

“This is a terrible Farmer's Market,” I told the lady. “It's a garage sale, dumbass,” she replied.

“If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you share with me the training regimen you used to attain it?”

“Don’t go to the zoo today… (flexing) because the pythons are out.”

I could have been rich if my mom hadn't thrown out my old baseball cards. And my trunk full of Krugerrands.

When you “accuse”, you make an “acc” out of “u” and “se”. Remember that!

“I sure look good in these home movies,” I told my wife, Anita. “That's a Bowflex commercial, dumbass,” she replied.

Tip for bloggers: bloggity blog blog blog (sorry, that's all I've got...)

Now Who's The Lazy One? I told you I've got a new post up on the Anytime Health site and you haven't gone to see it yet? What? I didn't tell you. Oh, my bad. I've got a new post up on the Anytime Health site which you can visit by clicking on this convenient link.


  1. I just used the Python line on my boss and got the perfect reaction...
    a slow blink followed by a long chuckle.

    so good!

  2. You're STILL the funniest guy I know... ;)

  3. I checked out your post on Anytime Health. I agree with Tammy - next to me you're the funniest person I know.

  4. my favorite jack quote of all time was: why not try a daily affirmation...such as, daily affirmations aren't nearly as stupid as I think they are." Whenever I am feeling truly pissy, this one pulls me through. Thanks Jack.

  5. Love the Soylent Green & Farmers Market ones the most! :-)

  6. I had to look up the definition of a Kruggerand. Also, I've read that book twice as an adult and didn't get what Soylent Green was/is. Your site is UBER-educational.

  7. hello thanks you for the helpful information



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