Tuesday, January 24, 2012

When Hairy Met Salad

(Jack and Sally at a diner)

Sally: So you’re having a salad?

Jack: Sure, I love salad. Love it! I’m on a diet, y’know.

What kind of salad is that?

Jack: It’s the Bistro Caesar salad with glazed pecans.

Sally: That’s a bunch of croutons.

Jack: What can I say? I’m a cretin that loves croutons.

Sally: And what kind of dressing is that?
Jack: I couldn’t decide between French or Ranch, so I got both.

You know, I get kind of ticked off at people who eat big crazy salads and think they’re eating healthy. Did you know that T.G.I. Friday’s has a salad with 1,800 calories and Applebee’s has one with 93 grams of fat.

Jack: Why are you getting so upset?  I’m eating a salad.

Sally: You are a human affront to all healthy people, and I am a healthy person.

Jack: Hey, I had them leave off the candy corn.

Sally: I just don’t know why you can’t eat a normal healthy salad.

Jack: Maybe because I like my salad better.

Sally: How do you know?

What do you mean how do I know?  I know.

Sally: Because they’re better?

Jack: Yes, because they’re better.

Sally: And how do you know that it’s really better?

What are you saying, that your healthy salad is as tasty as my jacked-up one?

Sally: It’s possible.

Jack: Get outta here!

Sally: Why?  I just want you to eat a real salad if you’re going to eat a salad.

Jack: Well, they aren’t as good to me.

Sally: How do you know?

Jack: Because I know.

Sally: Oh, right, that’s right, I forgot, you’re an idiot.

Jack: What’s that supposed to mean?

Sally: Nothing. It’s just that I think if you tried them, you’d like regular, healthy salads.

Jack: You don't think that I could tell the difference?

Sally: No.

Jack: Get outta here.

Sally: Ooo...Oh...Ooo...

Are you okay?

Sally: Oh...Oh god...Ooo Oh God...Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh God...Oh this salad is so delicious
Oh!  Oh...Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh...Yes Yes Yes....Oh...Yes Yes Yes
Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh... Oh... Oh God Oh... Oh...

Jack: Ummmm…. I'll have what she's having.


  1. nothing like a good blog about food porn to start my day off right... ;) Thanks Jack.

    - Lisa

  2. hahahahaha!! Love it! Point noted. Thanks for this Jack! your posts are fantastic!

  3. This movie is one of my faves & that scene is just about at the top of my list!!! :-) Love it & love the last line! :-D

  4. one of my fav movies and I was just eating a salad at applebees the other day damnit.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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