Friday, September 24, 2010

Corn Sugar? We Can Do Better Than That...

The other day I caught wind that the Corn Refiner's Association had petitioned the FDA to change the name of high-fructose corn syrup to "Corn Sugar."

“Corn Sugar”? That sounds like something you’d find at the fair, along with fiddlesticks and funnel cakes.

Here’s the thing, Corn Refiner’s Association. You read my blog. You know I’m great at naming stuff. Were you just too proud to beg for my help?

Anyway, here’s what I’ve got so far…

  • Sweet Magic Corn Powder

  • UniCorn

  • Corny Corn Corn Corn

  • High Fructose Chemical Syrup

  • Love Dust

  • Elixer of Life

  • Cornballs

  • Even Higher Fructose Corn Syrup

  • Corncaine

  • Golden Corn Sparkle

  • Health Stuff

  • Cornquelia

  • A-Maize-Ment

  • Super High Fructose Corn Syrup

  • CornaUtopia

  • Friendship Sauce

  • Hug Friendship Corn Syrup

  • Cornshine

    27 comments:

    1. Corncaine is my favorite. LOL! Great post, Jack!

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    2. I can definitely get behind UniCorn.

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    3. Although corncaine was my first favorite, cornshine takes the proverbial cake!! That's great!

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    4. hahahahaha thanks for the too early morning laugh!
      XO M

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    5. Fructose Cornelius? Sounds like the "technical tern" haha

      I like corncain the best

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    6. PS, you should watch the movie King Corn.

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    7. omg, you are killing me. hahahahha. I vote Golden Corn Sparkle!

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    8. I love corncaine and A-maize-ment! Love the play on words. How about candy corn....oh wait that's a real thing!

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    9. My favorite are corncaine and cornshine :) Not sure what cornballs are? lol

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    10. I vote for Corny Corn Corn Corn & Even Higher Fructose Corn Syrup!

      Can't believe they didn't come to you first Jack. They obviously don't know Sh*t!

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    11. I think the Corny Corn Corn Corn has a nice ring to it. :)

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    12. Lord love a duck! You're in fine form this morning!! Perfect for a Friday Morning, Jack.

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    13. How about "Fatten Up The Cattle Juice"?

      I hate HFCS....evil stuff, that... They can call it whatever they like, but I'm not injesting it and neither are my kids.

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    14. Love it! How about sweet corny cholesterol maker? Hmmm - doesn't roll off the tongue. I'll leave the naming to Jack the Master!

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    15. Hey, keep your Friendship Sauce to yourself jack!

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    16. I like Corncaine too. It made me giggle!

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    17. I hate to say but there are most likely people out there that will be fooled by this craziness.. very sad!

      BUT THX FOR THE LAUGH!!!

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    18. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go with High Fructose Chemical Syrup or Corncaine!

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    19. corncaine, all the way baby! nothing like an 8 ball when the cravings hit. And Im guessing 1 twinkie would be an 8 ball, at least!

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    20. I love Corny Corn Corn Corn! But you forgot Cornucopia and Corny McCorn!

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