Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Bad. Badder. Worstest.

BAD: You accidentally pick up a carton of whole milk.
BADDER: You accidentally drink a milkshake.
WORSTEST: You fill the kiddie pool up with heavy whipping cream and go to town.

BAD: You skip a workout.
BADDER: You skip a week of workouts.
WORSTEST: You forgot where your gym is located.

BAD: You ate a little too much shrimp alfredo.
BADDER: Security guards now stop you from entering any Red Lobster.
WORSTEST: Your name is mentioned in article about worldwide shrimp shortage.

BAD: Your favorite top is suddenly too snug.
BADDER: You split your pants.
WORSTEST: A button popped off your shirt and killed a bystander.

BAD: You ate a bowl of ice cream.
BADDER: You just ate an entire carton of ice cream.
WORSTEST: Ben & Jerry’s just named you “Customer of the Year”

BAD: You couldn’t make it through the marathon you trained for.
BADDER: You couldn’t make it through the half-marathon you trained for.
WORSTEST: You just made it through a “Beverly Hillbillies” marathon.

BAD: You were turned down for a date because you're too big.
BADDER: You were turned down for a job because you're too big.
WORSTEST: You were turned down for “Biggest Loser” because you're too big.

BAD: You were really uncomfortable going horseback riding.
BADDER: They couldn’t find a saddle that fit you.
WORSTEST: You broke a horse.

BAD: You tracked your food and went over your allotted calories.
BADDER: You tracked your food and went waaay over your allotted calories.
WORSTEST: You tracked your food and ran out of numbers.

BAD: You tried some pie they were giving samples of at the grocery store.
BADDER: You ate an entire pound cake while checking out.
WORSTEST: You purchased the entire snack and cookie aisle.

BAD: You get popcorn when you go to the movies.
BADDER: You get melted butter on your popcorn when you go to the movies.
WORSTEST: You get melted butter on your Milk Duds when you go to the movies.

BAD: You don’t have any jeans that fit.
BADDER: You don’t have any sweatpants that fit.
WORSTEST: You don’t have any muumuus that fit.

BAD: You put 1,000 Island dressing on your salad.
BADDER: You put croutons, cheese and 1,000 Island dressing on your salad.
WORSTEST: You put 1,000 Island dressing on your hot fudge sundae.

BAD: You pig out immediately after a weigh-in.
BADDER: You pig out during a weigh-in.
WORSTEST: You pig out instead of a weigh-in.

BAD: You eat cheese and crackers on the sofa.
BADDER: You eat chips and dip in bed.
WORSTEST: You eat cold pizza in the shower.

BAD: You read Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit.
BADDER: You read Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit every day.
WORSTEST: You’re Jack Sh*t.


  1. Don't knock cold pizza in the shower...at least a lot of the calorific stuff gets washed away before you can eat it!

  2. Made me laugh as always Jack :)

  3. Bad: Bought pants that fit at the time

    Badder: Kept wearing pants until they no longer fit

    Worstest: learned how to sew so you could let the pants out rather than losing weight!!

  4. I think I fall in the Badder category most of the time these past few months. MAN I gotta stay on track this time! Very funny stuff, Jack!

  5. New follower here, Jack - you are cracking me up!

  6. You are killing me. I needed a disclaimer to pee before reading. Now I have to go disenfect my mop......

  7. Very funny, as usual. I like starting my day with a laugh! Vee at http://veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

  8. I needed that (and I don't feel bad about it).

  9. I'm very happy to report that I have never broken a horse!

    Man... nice list.
    You're very funny, JS.

  10. They wouldn't let me ride the mules in the Grand Canyon.
    That sucked the life out me.
    Not any more!

  11. "You Broke a Horse"...ROTFLMAO!!!!

  12. All of those are bad except for ONE THING.....

    Movie popcorn is excused Jack....ALWAYS. It just is. WITH the butter!

  13. When you put it that way... I guess I am not so bad!!! tee hee


  14. Ok so now you are following me around poking fun of me! Jeese owe! LOL! I have been in the last 2 of most of these for the last 2-3 weeks. I am going back on the wagon. That is if I can get the hot fudge off of the wheels!

  15. I don't wanna look like a freak! I'll take the mumu!

  16. Being a horse owner, the horsey one is my fav. At my heaviest, I probably did break a few horses!

  17. LOL!! You ain't right. *wink* Great post, as always, Jack.

  18. ooohh I loved this post Jack!!! SO funny you are!

  19. I've definitely had my fair share of "Badder" moments, luckily no "Worstest" yet..phew! :)

  20. Effing hilarious. Love it.

    Polar's Mom

  21. Jack your blog not only kicks some fatty butt, but it has me laughing. I wish i would have found it earlier. Thanks.

  22. How do you come up with this funny sh*t!

    What a laugh. Thanks.

  23. Man, you are just full of funny sh*t, aren't you? This was awesome!

  24. Wow...I had no idea what I was missing...man I'm glad to have found your blog!

  25. see?
    and Id been wondering who was sneaking in at night and teaching the child proper grammar.
    I most enjoy the "HOW OLD SHE IS?" that youd taught her :)

  26. I loved this. I laughed out loud and my roomate thinks I am crazy :)

  27. This must be one of my alltime favourite funny Jack Sh*t posts! I'm even coming out of lurkdom to tell you how hard I laughed at popping a button and killing a bystander. =)

    And at the same time, strangely motivating, because it reminds me we all have the power to move up from Worsest to Badder to Bad ... and hopefully somewhere along the line, Frickin' Great!

  28. Loved this and now I'm gonna have to feature you on Project Supermom...AGAIN! I think that's getting up there with the worst! Hope you are good!



Related Posts with Thumbnails