Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Change of the Lighter Brigade


Half a pound, half a pound,
Half a pound downward,
Down toward their goals,
A weight has been lifted.
 “Forward, the Lighter Brigade!”
“Change for the better!” he said.
Down toward Goal Weight
With his fat kindred.


“Forward, the Lighter Brigade!”
Did you see what they all weigh'd?
Oh, how confidence grew.
No workout’s been hinder’d:
Theirs not to cause a riot,
Theirs not to simply try it,
Theirs but to do and diet:
Down towards Goal Weight
Rode the fat kindred.


Caramel to right of them,
Candy to left of them,
Buffet in front of them
They felt haggard and hunger’d
Bellies rumbled and thunder'd;
Tempt’d with snacks on shelf
Finally taking care of self
Boldly they go and well,
Into their jaws went less,
No longer feel like Hell.
Go, my fat kindred.


Flash'd all their bodies bare,
Put on some underwear!
Flesh no longer in disrepair
Changing their body, while
All the world notice'd:
Plunged into workout-mode
Cracked the healthy eating code;
Excuses and bad habits
Flush’d down the commode
To depths remotest.
Others may gain back, but
Not my fat kindred.


Salad to right of them,
Fresh fruit to left of them,
Fresh veggies in front of them
Steam’d and sauté’d;
Sprinkle'd with Mrs. Dash,
Olive oil (just a splash),
Have they’ve quit putting trash
Down thro' the jaws of theirs?
Oh yeah you bet your ash!
Little is left of them,
Left of my fat kindred.


Let us their story share
‘Bout the new slacks they wear!
‘Bout this weight lifted.
Honor the change they made,
Honor the Lighter Brigade,
Not-so-fat kindred.

With apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson


  1. I'm really not sure how you can top that!


  2. I do believe you have reached your acme

    Aaron aka Quixote511

  3. I want TWO splashes of Olive Oil, please re-write this to accomodate me.

  4. Whoot!!! Keats and Byron have nothing over you!

  5. Wow! I feel so SMART now. Way more highbrow than eminem, Jack! ;)

  6. I go missing for a year and yet you are STILL not out of material. Thanks so much for the laughs!

  7. your genius never fails to make me smile sir!
    also good opener. I lost half a pound today :D

  8. Ill be around downtown later this morning!
    email me if you are freeee from the workties that bind.

  9. This was amazing. I don't know how you keep doing it!

  10. "Go, my fat kindred."
    Ahh you are brillant :)



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