Friday, June 25, 2010

Signs You’ve Got a Bad Personal Trainer

  • Makes you do jumping jacks in the parking lot for an hour
  • Keeps calling you “Bootylicious”

  • Eats three caramel apples during your session

  • Lots of self-done tattoos

  • Not sure what a “bicep curl” is

  • Dresses in an official Star Trek uniform

  • Tells you last job was as Wac-a-Mole operator for traveling carnival

  • Thinks “Gluteus Maximus” is “that dude in the Gladiator movie”

  • Spends first thirty minutes of session trying to convince you that professional wrestling isn’t fake

  • Asks you to hold the funnel while he pours tequila into water bottle

  • Carries clipboard, but only thing on it is a beat-up copy of Hustler magazine

  • Claims to have gotten personal training degree from The University of Harvard

  • All former clients have passed away due to mysterious circumstances

  • Loves to encourage you by speaking “baby talk”

  • Holds sessions in his trailer

  • Sits down on your stomach in the middle of your bench press

  • Schedules six people at the same time

  • Offers to be paid in Crystal Meth

  • He advertises on Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit


26 comments:

  1. Wait...are you sure they are not supposed to call you "bootylicious"?

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  2. haha I wouldn't be able to resist myself if he ate 3 caramel apples - one would be mine!

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  3. I think I would quite like to be called Bootylicious actually... :)

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  4. Say, did you get this picture off the cover of the Feb. 2009 IDEA Fitness Journal magazine? I write for them! Anyway, this blog isn't silly enough. Guess you'd better keep writing!
    http://funandfit.org

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  5. There's some motivation to get back to the gym... I think? :)

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  6. I'm assuming this isn't the kind of trailer you are talking about

    http://www.mobilefitness.net/home.html

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  7. wrestling is rigged..WHAT? I mean WHAT??? ;-)

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  8. so, 2 caramel apples are OK, right?

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  9. You know you have a bad personal trainer when, after you're through, he pats you on the back and says, "Now let's go get dessert."

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  10. @Losing Weight

    I think it's OK as long as he doesn't pat you on your "bootylicious" butt.

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  11. Tells you "You're perfect just the way you are!"

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  12. And all this time I thought tequila was helpful in a post workout margarita. You know....replenishing salt and all. ;)
    Rae

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  13. :-) Are you speaking from experience???

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  14. Well personally I love when my trainer calls me bootylicious. It distracts me from the fact that he has no idea what he's doing!

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  15. And I thought my trainer was just a bit over the top when he asked to store his bong in my locker. After reading this, he's looking pretty good...

    Love,
    Jill

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  16. I am so glad I don't have a trainer. And you are a rock star!

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  17. WHAT? “Gluteus Maximus” was not that dude in the Gladiator movie?

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  18. Where do I sign up? I want a trainer like that.

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  19. lolol....paid in crystal meth...what about paid in chickens? Now that's just creepy.

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  20. I´m thinking about becoming a personal trainer.
    No caramel apples (during the session)
    No tequila
    What do you mean, Gluteus Maximus wasn´t in Gladiator? Wasn´t he the bloke with the fancy sandals?
    .....
    Think I got it!
    Thanks for the tips

    (love your blog)
    XX

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  21. Well duh a good trainer would use vodka because you can not tell the difference between that and water duh!

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  22. Damn...now I want a caramel apple...

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  23. See, that's why I leave the personal trainers alone...

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  24. No wonder having a personal trainer didn't work for me! I might have liked him better if he'd had tequila to share. On second thought, probably not. :)

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  25. I personally would pay my trainer more to call me Bootylicious.

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