Signs You’ve Got a Bad Personal Trainer

• Makes you do jumping jacks in the parking lot for an hour

• Keeps calling you “Bootylicious”
  
  
• Eats three caramel apples during your session
  
  
• Lots of self-done tattoos
  
  
• Not sure what a “bicep curl” is
  
  
• Dresses in an official Star Trek uniform
  
  
• Tells you last job was as Wac-a-Mole operator for traveling carnival
  
  
• Thinks “Gluteus Maximus” is “that dude in the Gladiator movie”
  
  
• Spends first thirty minutes of session trying to convince you that professional wrestling isn’t fake
  
  
• Asks you to hold the funnel while he pours tequila into water bottle
  
  
• Carries clipboard, but only thing on it is a beat-up copy of Hustler magazine
  
  
• Claims to have gotten personal training degree from The University of Harvard
  
  
• All former clients have passed away due to mysterious circumstances
  
  
• Loves to encourage you by speaking “baby talk”
  
  
• Holds sessions in his trailer
  
  
• Sits down on your stomach in the middle of your bench press
  
  
• Schedules six people at the same time
  
  
• Offers to be paid in Crystal Meth
  
  
• He advertises on Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit