Friday, June 11, 2010

Today’s To-Do-Not List

Here’s a little list of things I’m planning not to do today. I hope you’ll join me in my admirable show of restraint.
  • Stack a dozen Pop-Tarts on a plate, bust them with my forehead and see how fast I can scarf up all the pieces

  • Watch a Sanford & Son marathon

  • Stop by Taco Bell drive-thru and order everything on the menu or $20 worth, whichever comes first

  • Attempt to squirt entire canister of whipped cream into my mouth at one time

  • Go to movieplex and watch every different movie at the theater; get extra butter on my Milk Duds

  • Try to surf the entire internet

  • Work all afternoon on my “fried salad” experiment

  • Tie new kettlebells to back of car and race around the neighborhood

  • Fill kiddie swimming pool with rotel dip

  • Skip my midday workout and take a nap in bathroom stall at the office

  • Go to that fancy cupcake place that makes the fancy cupcakes and eat a bunch of fancy cupcakes

  • Get in starting position for sit-ups and then remain in that position for nine hours

  • Watch whatever’s on because I can’t reach the remote

  • Heat up a frozen pizza in the microwave to tide me over until the pizza delivery guy shows up

  • Play a real-life game of “Hungry Hungry Hippo” on kitchen table with malted milk balls

  • Drink a twelve-pack of six-packs

  • Gargle with pudding

  • Have a “You Da Man, Jack!” sheet cake made at the bakery and eat the entire thing as I’m paying at the counter

34 comments:

  1. i loooved the get in sit up position one..maybe a bit TOO much;)

    mid day workout huh? so you go work out at lunch..something i have been debating. Um..when do u eat lunch? And do u have time to work out and shower after?

    i'm a curious bugger this morning!

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  2. You know, $20 doesn't go as far at Taco Bell as it once did.

    Don't ask me how I know that.

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  3. I eat a handful of almonds before working out. Then I rush over to my gym (which is two minutes away) and get in a 45 minute something-something, leaving plenty of time to shower, dress and get back to eat at my sammich at my desk. The key is having a place that's close by...

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  4. I like the real life hungry hungry hippos with malt balls...

    Barb

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  5. Gargling with pudding? Ick.

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  6. Because you are one of my heros, I will also do the whipped cream canister thing today...except with Cheez Whiz.

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  7. Hi, I'm a new blogger. You are too funny. I liked them all. Just what I need. Humor while I lose weight! Thanks...I keep checking in while on my own journey!

    My fave was Milk Duds with extra butter...who'd have thunk it?

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  8. "Play a real-life game of “Hungry Hungry Hippo” on kitchen table with malted milk balls"

    Hahahahahahaha!

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  9. Well I exercised. I even showered. I need to grocery shop. I guess I HAVE to not do a glue-my-butt to the chair and blog while folding the laundry and watching Hulu day.

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  10. Try not to surf the entire internet....hahah!!!

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  11. well what fun are you Jack....GEESH!

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  12. Just so you're not disappointed, Taco Bell's margaritas contain no alcohol. I asked.

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  13. Hope @ Hope's JourneyJune 11, 2010 at 9:03 AM

    Damnit! Why did you have to go and describe what I was going to do today! THE NERVE!!

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  14. I want to play real life sized hungry hippos! lol.
    my dad calls me a mouse. a hip-oh-pota-mouse!

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  15. You are, indeed, the man!

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  16. Loved it loved it LOVED it!!!

    Read most of them to Tom. He just kinda looked at me.

    I just kinda smacked him in the head :)

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  17. (((LOVE))) So damn funny. I think I tinkled. I'd swap out the Hungry Hippos malted milk balls for maraschino cherries. Those bad boys know how to stick their landing.

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  18. I love it....real life Hungry, Hungry Hippo with malted milk balls. That cracks me up...but oh no, now I have malted milk balls on my mind! I better go drink some water.

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  19. hahahahahahahaa......Loved it! Thanks for keeping things light!

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  20. Jack, I hope you don't mind but I copied/pasted this list so I can post it on all the faculty/staff bathroom walls at the school I work at. Every week I put funny stuff in each stall. I put your website on the bottom to make sure YOU get cited. :)

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  21. i would go for the surf the entire internet thingy lol so time consuming

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  22. Oh come on, the kettlebell thing sounds fun! Watch, it'll become the new tin can at weddings.

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  23. I think I laughed till I cried. I then read the list out loud to my husband, and he's still laughing while shaking his head. I think he wants to try filling the kiddie pool with dip. I'm going to have to keep an eye on that pool for a few days......

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  24. I want some fancy cupcakes. And I would pay to see you tie kettlebells and drive around the neighborhood. I would also testify that you were negligent though!

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  25. the hungry hungry hippos one is my fav!! hillllarious, friend!

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  26. You are so friggin funny! I loved those dang Pop-Tarts as a kid....OH, bringing back memories! :-)

    As for that sit-up one... I resemble that sometimes!

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  27. I'm not going to buy a two pound bag of M&M's "for my family" then make sure they don't go to waste because they won't eat the ones with peanuts. :0)

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  28. How bout if you stack a stack of Pop Tarts on a plate, break them, and then I'll try to scarf up the pieces as fast as I can? Sounds tasty, in a sick sort of way (it DOES sound sick...right????)

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  29. Stacking Pop-Tarts busting them up & scarfing them up should be an Olympic event. My opinion.

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  30. Ya think Sanford could have afforded a cleaning service?

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  31. picturing the hungry hippo one is cracking me up. And as for taco bell - I love that about them!

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