Friday, June 11, 2010

Today’s To-Do-Not List

Here’s a little list of things I’m planning not to do today. I hope you’ll join me in my admirable show of restraint.
  • Stack a dozen Pop-Tarts on a plate, bust them with my forehead and see how fast I can scarf up all the pieces

  • Watch a Sanford & Son marathon

  • Stop by Taco Bell drive-thru and order everything on the menu or $20 worth, whichever comes first

  • Attempt to squirt entire canister of whipped cream into my mouth at one time

  • Go to movieplex and watch every different movie at the theater; get extra butter on my Milk Duds

  • Try to surf the entire internet

  • Work all afternoon on my “fried salad” experiment

  • Tie new kettlebells to back of car and race around the neighborhood

  • Fill kiddie swimming pool with rotel dip

  • Skip my midday workout and take a nap in bathroom stall at the office

  • Go to that fancy cupcake place that makes the fancy cupcakes and eat a bunch of fancy cupcakes

  • Get in starting position for sit-ups and then remain in that position for nine hours

  • Watch whatever’s on because I can’t reach the remote

  • Heat up a frozen pizza in the microwave to tide me over until the pizza delivery guy shows up

  • Play a real-life game of “Hungry Hungry Hippo” on kitchen table with malted milk balls

  • Drink a twelve-pack of six-packs

  • Gargle with pudding

  • Have a “You Da Man, Jack!” sheet cake made at the bakery and eat the entire thing as I’m paying at the counter

34 comments:

  1. i loooved the get in sit up position one..maybe a bit TOO much;)

    mid day workout huh? so you go work out at lunch..something i have been debating. Um..when do u eat lunch? And do u have time to work out and shower after?

    i'm a curious bugger this morning!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know, $20 doesn't go as far at Taco Bell as it once did.

    Don't ask me how I know that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I eat a handful of almonds before working out. Then I rush over to my gym (which is two minutes away) and get in a 45 minute something-something, leaving plenty of time to shower, dress and get back to eat at my sammich at my desk. The key is having a place that's close by...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like the real life hungry hungry hippos with malt balls...

    Barb

    ReplyDelete
  5. Because you are one of my heros, I will also do the whipped cream canister thing today...except with Cheez Whiz.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi, I'm a new blogger. You are too funny. I liked them all. Just what I need. Humor while I lose weight! Thanks...I keep checking in while on my own journey!

    My fave was Milk Duds with extra butter...who'd have thunk it?

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Play a real-life game of “Hungry Hungry Hippo” on kitchen table with malted milk balls"

    Hahahahahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well I exercised. I even showered. I need to grocery shop. I guess I HAVE to not do a glue-my-butt to the chair and blog while folding the laundry and watching Hulu day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Try not to surf the entire internet....hahah!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. well what fun are you Jack....GEESH!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just so you're not disappointed, Taco Bell's margaritas contain no alcohol. I asked.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hope @ Hope's JourneyJune 11, 2010 at 9:03 AM

    Damnit! Why did you have to go and describe what I was going to do today! THE NERVE!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I want to play real life sized hungry hippos! lol.
    my dad calls me a mouse. a hip-oh-pota-mouse!

    ReplyDelete
  14. You are, indeed, the man!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Loved it loved it LOVED it!!!

    Read most of them to Tom. He just kinda looked at me.

    I just kinda smacked him in the head :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. (((LOVE))) So damn funny. I think I tinkled. I'd swap out the Hungry Hippos malted milk balls for maraschino cherries. Those bad boys know how to stick their landing.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I love it....real life Hungry, Hungry Hippo with malted milk balls. That cracks me up...but oh no, now I have malted milk balls on my mind! I better go drink some water.

    ReplyDelete
  18. hahahahahahahaa......Loved it! Thanks for keeping things light!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Jack, I hope you don't mind but I copied/pasted this list so I can post it on all the faculty/staff bathroom walls at the school I work at. Every week I put funny stuff in each stall. I put your website on the bottom to make sure YOU get cited. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. i would go for the surf the entire internet thingy lol so time consuming

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh come on, the kettlebell thing sounds fun! Watch, it'll become the new tin can at weddings.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think I laughed till I cried. I then read the list out loud to my husband, and he's still laughing while shaking his head. I think he wants to try filling the kiddie pool with dip. I'm going to have to keep an eye on that pool for a few days......

    ReplyDelete
  23. I want some fancy cupcakes. And I would pay to see you tie kettlebells and drive around the neighborhood. I would also testify that you were negligent though!

    ReplyDelete
  24. the hungry hungry hippos one is my fav!! hillllarious, friend!

    ReplyDelete
  25. You are so friggin funny! I loved those dang Pop-Tarts as a kid....OH, bringing back memories! :-)

    As for that sit-up one... I resemble that sometimes!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm not going to buy a two pound bag of M&M's "for my family" then make sure they don't go to waste because they won't eat the ones with peanuts. :0)

    ReplyDelete
  27. How bout if you stack a stack of Pop Tarts on a plate, break them, and then I'll try to scarf up the pieces as fast as I can? Sounds tasty, in a sick sort of way (it DOES sound sick...right????)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Stacking Pop-Tarts busting them up & scarfing them up should be an Olympic event. My opinion.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Ya think Sanford could have afforded a cleaning service?

    ReplyDelete
  30. picturing the hungry hippo one is cracking me up. And as for taco bell - I love that about them!

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails