Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Ways to Improve Weight Watchers

Besides being a best-selling author (Weight Loss Boss), Weight Watchers CEO David Kirchhoff is extremely humble. If you meet him on the street and ask him if he’s friends with me, he’ll answer "no." He doesn’t want to take advantage of our friendship and my popularity to make you buy his book. That's just the kinda guy he is...

Nonetheless, we are BFFs, and I often send him ideas for him to use to make Weight Watchers even better. No thanks necessary, Special K...

• Instead of confusing "points" system, why not simply take caloric value of all the foods eaten over the course of a day and then subtract caloric value of all the foods NOT eaten that day?

• Start each meeting with my new WW theme song (sung to the tune of "Green Acres"):

Weight Watchers is the plan for me,
Fifty pounds lighter's where I’d like to be.
Ass not spreadin’ out so far and wide.
Screw Jenny Craig, let us be your weight loss guide!

• Replace all chairs at meetings with unicycles.

• Instead of little pins and doodads when somebody loses a certain number of pounds, what about a honest-to-God gold bar? Talk about motivation!

• Introduce new company mascot, Willard the Weight-Loss Wolverine, who will rip your face off if you open a package of cookies.

• Lobby Washington to have Pringles designated as a controlled substance.

• Encourage all locations not to give the stink-eye to people who pay with a jar of change. SOME FOLKS ARE ON A BUDGET, Y’KNOW!

• Why all the focus on how much everybody weighs? How about trying not to be so judgmental? Maybe that way we can all learn a little something about one another and the healing can finally begin. And we can start eating pie again.


  1. I have another suggestion: Pay me for each pound I lose, that would most certainly keep me motivated!!

  2. The chairs hurt your hiney anyway.... lol

  3. I quit my Weight Watchers at work after the leader scolded me for gaining and said in a childish voice, "bad girl!". No thanks, I don't need to pay for insults and chiding, I get those for free from my own brain ;) This was a good read!

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  5. Great tips...I can just see us all sitting there on unicycles instead of chairs...great post!

  6. You won't believe how many calories I burned singing your little ditty!

  7. Hi Jack: We noticed how humble you are too about not mentioning knowing my sister and me. It's ok though. You are welcome to let everyone know that you are modeling yourself after us.

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