Monday, November 19, 2012
Expiration Date - R.I.P. Twinkee the Kid
Jack: Yes, ma’am.
Nurse: You’re just in time. (dramatic pause) He’s not going to last much longer.
Jack: Why is he asking for me anyway?
Nurse: He said you two were once best friends.
Jack: We did spend a lot of time together back when I was a kid, but we kinda had a falling out.
Nurse: Well, he’s barely hanging on. He’s in pretty bad shape. Go on in, but try not to upset him.
Jack: Hey there, buddy.
Twinkee the Kid: *cough cough * oh, hi, Jack.
Jack: I would have thought you’d want your family around at a time like this.
Twinkee the Kid: Devil Dog, Ding Dong, King Don, HoHo… (sob) they’re all gone, Jack.
Jack: Yeah, I heard.
Twinkee the Kid: We had some good times though, didn’t we?
Jack: Yeah, we did.
Twinkee the Kid: Remember that camping trip when you ate an entire box at one time?
Jack: Unfortunately, I do.
Twinkee the Kid: Those were the days, my friend. What happened between us, Jack? What happened?
Jack: I kinda started eating a lot less processed crap foods.
Twinkee the Kid: * cough * c’mere… Jack…
Jack: What? What is it?
Twinkee the Kid: Closer… closer….
Jack: Owwwww. What was that for?
Twinkee the Kid: For that “processed crap food” zinger.
Jack and Twinkee the Kid: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Twinkee the Kid: That was a good one.
Jack: Yes it was.
Twinkee the Kid: *sniff* I’m going to that giant thrift store in the sky, Jack.
Jack: You’ll be back, Kid.
Twinkee the Kid: You think so?
Jack: Yeah, you’ve got too many preservatives in your system to die.