Monday, November 19, 2012

Expiration Date - R.I.P. Twinkee the Kid

Nurse: Are you Jack?

Jack: Yes, ma’am.

You’re just in time. (dramatic pause) He’s not going to last much longer.

Jack: Why is he asking for me anyway?

Nurse: He said you two were once best friends.

Jack: We did spend a lot of time together back when I was a kid, but we kinda had a falling out.

Nurse: Well, he’s barely hanging on. He’s in pretty bad shape. Go on in, but try not to upset him.

Jack: Hey there, buddy.

Twinkee the Kid: *cough cough * oh, hi, Jack.

Jack: I would have thought you’d want your family around at a time like this.

Twinkee the Kid: Devil Dog, Ding Dong, King Don, HoHo… (sob) they’re all gone, Jack.

Yeah, I heard.

Twinkee the Kid: We had some good times though, didn’t we?

Jack: Yeah, we did.

Twinkee the Kid:
Remember that camping trip when you ate an entire box at one time?

Jack: Unfortunately, I do.

Twinkee the Kid: Those were the days, my friend. What happened between us, Jack? What happened?

Jack: I kinda started eating a lot less processed crap foods.

Twinkee the Kid: * cough * c’mere… Jack…

Jack: What? What is it?

Twinkee the Kid: Closer… closer….

Jack: Yes?


Jack: Owwwww. What was that for?

Twinkee the Kid:
For that “processed crap food” zinger.



Twinkee the Kid:
That was a good one.

Jack: Yes it was.

Twinkee the Kid: *sniff* I’m going to that giant thrift store in the sky, Jack.

Jack: You’ll be back, Kid.

Twinkee the Kid:
You think so?

Yeah, you’ve got too many preservatives in your system to die.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. I used to be a Ho for Ho Ho's, couldn't say No No.

    I think I'm trying for a rap thing here but as it turns out I got nuthin.

    Loved your twinkie tribute, and despite our differences, I actually feel a little sad that these things will no longer exist!

    1. I truly doubt that we've seen the last of Twinkees and its family. Either they'll bust the union and reform or license the product out to other companies to make.

  3. Funny aside - my parents just sold an old Twinkee the Kid on eBay for $47.

  4. I will be heartbroken if Zingers no longer exist, even though I never eat any now. They were the best.
    I have a friend who posted a picture of his Twinkie the Kid carrying case for his lunch twinkie. It was awesome.

  5. :) To friggin funny & I agree, I doubt it is the last we have seen of them.....

  6. Twinkies and Ding Dongs are doing fine up here in Canada. There made by Saputo here. Not that I have ever tasted either!! Blehh!!

  7. Man, I feel pretty lucky that snacky cakes like twinkies and such were never my vice. But a funny dialogue none the less.

  8. My husband, the biology teacher has a twinkie hanging in his classroom, where kids have been craving it for almost 20 years. That thing won't die! I believe it's related to a lesson on half life.

  9. Dont get too relaxed dieters. Betcha a sister company opens in china and the sweet diabetic charm will start being shipped overseas....betcha.

  10. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.



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