Monday, November 19, 2012

Expiration Date - R.I.P. Twinkee the Kid

Nurse: Are you Jack?

Jack: Yes, ma’am.

Nurse:
You’re just in time. (dramatic pause) He’s not going to last much longer.

Jack: Why is he asking for me anyway?

Nurse: He said you two were once best friends.

Jack: We did spend a lot of time together back when I was a kid, but we kinda had a falling out.

Nurse: Well, he’s barely hanging on. He’s in pretty bad shape. Go on in, but try not to upset him.

Jack: Hey there, buddy.

Twinkee the Kid: *cough cough * oh, hi, Jack.

Jack: I would have thought you’d want your family around at a time like this.

Twinkee the Kid: Devil Dog, Ding Dong, King Don, HoHo… (sob) they’re all gone, Jack.

Jack:
Yeah, I heard.

Twinkee the Kid: We had some good times though, didn’t we?

Jack: Yeah, we did.

Twinkee the Kid:
Remember that camping trip when you ate an entire box at one time?

Jack: Unfortunately, I do.

Twinkee the Kid: Those were the days, my friend. What happened between us, Jack? What happened?

Jack: I kinda started eating a lot less processed crap foods.

Twinkee the Kid: * cough * c’mere… Jack…

Jack: What? What is it?

Twinkee the Kid: Closer… closer….

Jack: Yes?

SLAP

Jack: Owwwww. What was that for?

Twinkee the Kid:
For that “processed crap food” zinger.

Jack:
Zinger?

Jack and Twinkee the Kid: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Twinkee the Kid:
That was a good one.

Jack: Yes it was.

Twinkee the Kid: *sniff* I’m going to that giant thrift store in the sky, Jack.

Jack: You’ll be back, Kid.

Twinkee the Kid:
You think so?

Jack:
Yeah, you’ve got too many preservatives in your system to die.


12 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. I used to be a Ho for Ho Ho's, couldn't say No No.

    I think I'm trying for a rap thing here but as it turns out I got nuthin.

    Loved your twinkie tribute, and despite our differences, I actually feel a little sad that these things will no longer exist!

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    Replies
    1. I truly doubt that we've seen the last of Twinkees and its family. Either they'll bust the union and reform or license the product out to other companies to make.

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  3. Funny aside - my parents just sold an old Twinkee the Kid on eBay for $47.

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  4. I will be heartbroken if Zingers no longer exist, even though I never eat any now. They were the best.
    I have a friend who posted a picture of his Twinkie the Kid carrying case for his lunch twinkie. It was awesome.

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  5. :) To friggin funny & I agree, I doubt it is the last we have seen of them.....

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  6. Twinkies and Ding Dongs are doing fine up here in Canada. There made by Saputo here. Not that I have ever tasted either!! Blehh!!

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  7. Man, I feel pretty lucky that snacky cakes like twinkies and such were never my vice. But a funny dialogue none the less.

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  8. My husband, the biology teacher has a twinkie hanging in his classroom, where kids have been craving it for almost 20 years. That thing won't die! I believe it's related to a lesson on half life.

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  9. Dont get too relaxed dieters. Betcha a sister company opens in china and the sweet diabetic charm will start being shipped overseas....betcha.

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  10. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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