Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Jack Sh*ttiday & the Fatpants Kid
Kid: Dammit! I’m hungry!
Jack: Well, the way I figure it, we can either diet or give. If we give, we go back to being obese.
Kid: I’ve been there already.
Jack: But if we diet, we may get starved out. Or we’ll get too weak to work out. Might even get malnourished and get sick. What else can happen?
Kid: We could eat what we want and lose weight, but I wouldn’t count on that.
Jack: Kid, the next time I say let’s go someplace like Weight Watchers, let’s go someplace like Weight Watchers.
Kid: Next time. (pause) Ready for lunch?
Jack: No, we’ll exercise…
Kid: Like hell we will.
Jack: No, it’ll be okay. If we don’t try to bench press too much and get squished to death. It’ll build muscle and help burn fat faster.
Kid: How do you know?
Jack: Would you work out if you didn’t have to?
Kid: I have to and I’m not gonna.
Jack: Well, we got to, otherwise we’re not ever gonna lose these extra pounds. Come on…
Kid: Just one donut, that’s all I want.
Jack: Come on.
Kid: Uh uh
Jack: We got to!
Kid: Nope! Get away from me!
Kid: I don’t wanna go!
Jack: You wanna diet?
Kid: Do you?
Jack: Alright. I’ll work out first.
Jack: Then you work out first.
Kid: No, I said.
Jack: What’s the matter with you?
Kid: I CAN’T SWIM!
Jack: Bwhahahahahahahaha. Why, you crazy! The gym doesn’t even have a pool, dumbass!