Thursday, August 19, 2010

Ways to Make More Time for Exercise

  • Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner all at the same time
  • Use a shampoo with conditioner in it… and toothpaste… and floss

  • DVR your favorite shows and watch them at 12x speed

  • During arguments with your spouse, agree to any damn thing just to get it over with quickly

  • Learn the ancient art of speed sleeping

  • Continuously move West into new time zones

  • Don’t waste time dragging out the Bat-signal; go right for the Bat-phone!

  • Hire a nice lady to clean your house and a dashing young man to do all the yardwork (I’m assuming that you’re filthy rich, of course)

  • Turn off the internet

  • Keep an ongoing list of people who have wronged you and exact your revenge all at one time (preferably at a party where they’re all in attendance)

  • Order steak medium rare instead of well done

  • If you’re on a highway where the speed limit is 60 mph, and you drive one mile per hour faster, it’ll save you 60 seconds for every hour you drive. That can really add up!

  • Combine activities, such as paying bills and showering

  • Tired of wasting time sitting in the waiting room at the vet? Spay your pets yourself (I can walk you through it… okay, first you’ll need an application to veterinary school…)

  • Instead of “you’re”, always just type “your” – everyone knows it means the same thing!

  • Instead of stepping on a scale, just “guesstimate” your weight

  • When helping your child with math homework, just make up answers to get through it fast

  • Lather and rinse, but do not repeat; I repeat, DO NOT REPEAT.

  • Do some research of which religion has the fastest church services and go with that one

  • Observe “Double Daylight Savings Time”

  • Stop churning your own butter and start buying it at grocery store

  • Wash and dry your laundry at the same time

  • Once a week, have Pop-Tart dinner night

  • Install a shredder in your mailbox

  • Quit reading Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit


  1. These are some fine suggestions Jack, I especially like the shower and pay bills at the same time. I am going to try it right now. Now where is that water proof pen............

  2. Love it. YOUR always good for a laugh in the morning. :)

  3. Wash and dry you clothes at the same time? Obviously Anita is in charge of the Sh*t laundry . . .

  4. Awesome tips!! I'm getting that mailbox shredder today and working on an organized time of the day for the internet to be shut off!! And of COURSE I'm filthy rich! Hiring the maid and the gardner. Right on that! Thanks! :-)

  5. Another tip - stop looking for cool Harold Lloyd images on Google....oh how I love his old movies.

  6. Sorta off topic:

    My old law school buddy who I sheltered during our first year summer was a hippie dippy whose only hygiene product was a bottle of some sort of almond liquid that could be used as body wash, shampoo and teeth cleaning.

    I couldn't wait for him to leave.

    No, I won't reveal what that stuff was. It's in everyone's best interest.

  7. I have been reading for a few weeks, as I have struggled with losing the last 20 lbs of baby weight. You are hilarious! So motivating too. A few days I started my own weight loss blog just to see if it would help me stay motivated. I hope it works!!

  8. Awesome. but seriously, turn off the internet...not bad advice. It sure can become a time waster really fast.

  9. Ha! Very funny. The mailbox shredder is a really good idea. I think you may be on to something, you better trademark it! And as for your and you're.... your right!!

  10. Wow you must have gave Hunni a heads up on the just get the arguments over one. He's a master at this!

  11. I agree @ Turn off the internet <---probably very relevant for most of us no!? hehe

  12. Here's what I do, I DVR my favorite shows, then only watch them when I'm walking on the treadmill.

  13. Awesome tips! Thanks for the laugh.


  14. hmm, Hire a nice lady to clean your house and a dashing young man to do all the yardwork... not the other way around?

  15. Lather and rinse, but do not repeat; I repeat, DO NOT REPEAT.


  16. Turn off the Internet. WORD!!! Seriously :)

  17. I can't help but think of the Seinfeld where Kramer starts living in his shower. He installs a garbage disposal in the drain so he can prep salads while showering.

  18. Love it.

    You might like my exercise musings here

    I am having a hard time fitting it in.

  19. Don't get me started on the your and you're thing... or the to and too thing or the weigh and weight thing or the... you get the picture.

  20. Please don't let my wife see the one about arguments. She usually wins anyway.

  21. Um, I did that PopTarts for dinner thing for a few years, and it really doesn't work so well. :)

    Great list!

  22. Love it. Except the whole turn off the internet/don't read JSGF. How would I know how to make extra exercise time w/out you & the internet? Wait- are you coming out West again?

  23. "Instead of “you’re”, always just type “your” – everyone knows it means the same thing!"

    Yes, everyone knows it means you're stupid.

    Thanks jack
    *wanders off muttering what else can we make....

  25. Pop Tart dinner night should only be ONCE a week? Damn. I gotta re-plan EVERYTHING now!

  26. Btw, now that you've hit 80 pounds lost, did you find that hobo to high five?

  27. oooh Ican we just NOT agre quickly with the spouse type and CHASE EM AROUND a track whilst we bicker?

  28. The grocery store sells butter? What have I been doing all this time churning it! Thanks, Jack Sh*t, you're the best! :)



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