Sunday, August 22, 2010

Man Vs Scale

Weekly weigh-in: 212.3
Loss: +1.0
Total loss: -79.7
Emotion: Argumentative

Scale: Step right up.

Me: I don’t wanna…

Scale: I said “step up”, bitch!

Me: You know, this journey isn’t all about what you say.

Scale: Ah, the Loser’s Lament.

Me: Excuse me?

Scale: And I don’t mean “loser” in the classic weight-loss context either.

Me: You don’t need to be so ugly…

Scale: Oh, I’m just gettin’ started. Step on and I’ll show you ugly.

Me: I’ve been lifting, and that affects my weight.

Scale: You’ve been lifting all right… you’ve been lifting that fork, you’ve been lifting that beer mug.

Me: Muscle weighs more than fat.

Scale: Yeah, and fat people weigh more than fit people.

Me: All you give me is a number.

Scale: Wrong, Jack Sh*t-for-brains. I give you responsibility, I give you accountability, I give you perspective, I give you purpose.

Me: You’re just a box of gears and circuits.

Scale: And you’re just a bag of blood and bones!

Me: You take away every shred of dignity I have, you bastard…

Scale: Hey, I think that ship sailed when you started having a buck-naked conversation with an inanimate object.

Me: I don’t know why you hate me so much…

Scale: Jack, Jack, Jack… I’m the only one who loves you enough to tell you the plain and honest truth. Your “friends” will let you blow up like a balloon and never saw word one.

Me: Well…

Scale: I’ve got no skin in the game, Jack. You can’t bully me, can’t bribe me, can’t butter me up.

Me: But…

Scale: But nothing. You stick with me… you work with me… and we’ll get to where you want to go.

Me: * sigh* All right… here goes nothing.

Scale: Nothing… you wish! I got a one pound gain for ya! Boo-ya!


  1. Hehe... I too have a love/hate relationship with my scale. :( Last week I was only -.4 and it really pissed me off. Hoping this week is better! Hang in there Jack!

  2. Is your scale related to my scale?

  3. So glad I'm not the only one who has these conversations with the scale. I feel less crazy now. Thanks. Jack

  4. Scale: I said “step up”, bitch! - ba ha ha ha ha! I love you Jack.

  5. good stuff Jack... as usual!I have had the same conversation with the muscle and fat ration yada yada. I do however use inches lost as well on my journey. It is another number that will tell you something about yourself too.

  6. It's nice to see that my scale isn't the only one who's a miserable bastard.

  7. Stoopid scale sometimes thinks it's in charge! Time for you to show it who's really the boss.

  8. Show that scale who is boss next week Jack! :) Happy Sunday to ya!

  9. I weigh 115-117 & wear a size 2-4 so ya have to get to understanding when it is muscle or something else. Certainly it is not always muscle but sometimes it is.. how do the clothes fit? Are they looser or tighter... clothes tell a lot.

    I have been a size 6-8 & weighed the same as above so with time, you will be able to figure out the scale vs. weight vs. muscle.

    Keep up the good work Jack!

  10. What I MEANT to say was your scale is a dude? I love this post. This is great.

  11. Rumor has it that the word SCALE is becoming a four letter word. My guess is you may have started that rumor, no?

  12. My scale's battery is on the fritz, so learned when I weighed 25 lbs less than usual yesterday. I kept getting on and off and just reveling in the concept that I was that close to my goal. What a fantasy. Scale gets new batteries on Monday. Meanwhile, I'll enjoy the dream a little more.

  13. Yeah I think all the scales get together and talk about how scared we all are of them. I refer to mine as that kinda bitchy friend that always tells the truth no matter if you don't want to hear it.

  14. I wish there was a politically correct scale. It would say things like "I understand this was a tough week for you. You had PMS, there was a sale on Oreos- you gave it a valliant effort. It's a little higher number than what you were expecting, but I still think you are a fantastic person, amazingly talented, and too beautiful for your own good. Now step off of here, gorgeous, and start WOWing people with the awesomeness that is YOU."
    And I have that exact same picture on a mouse pad. I had it 'specially' made. Cause when it comes to dieting, I am special. I ride the short bus.

  15. C'Mon Jack, make that scale your bitch. ONE of us has to. (Ok, I could too, but that's another comment). Hugs, Kirsten

  16. I fell off my chair I was laughing so hard! Thanks! I needed the laugh!

  17. I remember you wrote how easy it was for a big guy to lose 10 and gain five back when you started. Now, a trim 197, gains fifteen. That is *not* easy to do. There has to be a lot going on for that to happen. What's going on?

  18. Very creative and insightful. Funny, when I am losing, I am happy to see it. When I fear that I have gained, I would rather stay away...yet it only reflects the truth, giving me the feedback that I ask. Thanks for getting me thinking.

  19. alright Jack. time to kick your own @ss into gear.
    you know it.
    I puffy heart you big guy...but dude...the slide stops now, right?
    over the last 20 weeks you have gained at least 10 lbs.
    week to week it's hard to see a trend.
    big hugs...

  20. Come on, Jack! Show that scale who's Boss! You can do it!

  21. Great post. I'm a big believer in the scale too. I know that isn't the hip things these days, but my ability to ignore a muffin top means the going by my clothes approach just doesn't work for me.

  22. My question from last week's weigh-in still stands.

  23. I told my husband I saw a strange naked man in our bathroom! He just laughed and took away my bottle of wine. Next time could you please pick up your underware and put down the seat.

    i hate my scale she has a valley girl type voice and ticks me off!

  24. You CAN do this! We're counting on you! If you don't, then I have to give up popcorn. DON'T MAKE ME GIVE UP POPCORN, JACK!!



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