Monday, October 3, 2011

What My Scale Might Say If It Could Talk

  • “Get off! Get off! Get off!”
  • “Maybe you’re just retaining fat.”
  • “They say any loss is a good loss. How’s about -.00001 lbs.?”
  • “Here comes the pain!”
  • “Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows.”
  • “When you lose, you take all the credit; when you gain, ya blame me!”
  • “Looks like you’ve got Dunlap’s Disease. Your belly’s done lapped over your belt.”
  • “Ummmmph!”
  • “On the moon, you’d only weigh 43 pounds.”
  • “Why don’t you try again… maybe it’ll be drastically lower.”
  • “And you thought nobody saw you eat those chips…”
  • “Good news: you’re still beating anorexia!”
  • “Does this number make you look fat?”
  • “Tippin’ is encouraged. Get it, get it? Tippin’ the scales… ah, you don’t know funny.”
  • “Are you a glutton for punishment or just a regular glutton?”
  • “For God’s sake–will you please put on some underwear?”
  • “Let’s say we just call it two hundred and plenty?”
  • “I’ve got an idea: today I’ll stand on you and call you a f*ckin’ b*tch.”
  • “Say, are you losing weight?



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