Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Game of Stones (Guest Stars Galore!)

So I’m out in LA talking to this famous movie exec about my can’t miss
premise for a mini-series starring a host of popular weight-loss bloggers…

Once upon a time there was a knight named Ser Jack of the House of Sh*tterfell, who had found that his suit of armor was getting a little too snug, if you get my drift.

Anyway, he decided that he needed to lose a few stones, which was difficult because (a) he was getting older and his metabolism was slowing down and (b) he couldn’t find a scale that weighed in stones.

This is the story of his adventures in trying to get more healthy and those who ride with him and against him.

Episode 1: Weigh-In Is Coming. We meet Ser Jack, who has just read an article about how sitting all day is really, really bad for your health. And that's even if you don't have a pointy chair...

Episode 2: Two Fit Chicks and a Mighty Sword.
Ser Jack meets a mysterious Mizfit and the dynamic Dietgirl on the road to Kalorie Landing.

Episode 3: The Wenches of Healthwick. Our hero meets his sisters from anotha mister, Joyce, Lisa and Renee from Castle FitStudio. Havoc ensues.

Episode 4: The Hostess with the Moat-ness. Ser Jack shows up to disrupt Lady Katy and her #fitblog chat.

Episode 5: A Knight to Dismember. Ser Jack has a grisly run-in with the Bard of Bacon, Khal Ryan.

Episode 6: Joust Kidding. Ser Jack meets the master of the Castle Pinterest, Ser Tony. Later, Ser Tony eats an apple.

Episode 7: A Sworded Nonsense. Ser Jack adopts a brave little girl, who turns out to be none other than Galloping on Awesome’s Squire Steve.

Episode 8: Shake, Battle and Roll. Ser Jack wages war on Castle Fttfluential for no other reason but he’s kinda bored.

Episode 9: Let Them Eat Fruit. Princess Monica and Maid Mary hound Ser Jack about his lax eating and workout habits.

Episode 10:  Seige Ya Later. Ser Jack is captured by the tyrannical duo of Maester Fitness and the Fat Knight.

Episode 11: A Squire Meal. “Who ate my blog?” asks Squire Stephen. A freakin’ dragon, that’s who!

Episode 12: A Royal Pain. Lookieloo! It’s Bookieboo! And Krazy Kris! I don’t know why, but I’m too excited to explain what happens in this episode.

Episode 13: Queen of Style. Who’s that riding a bicycle down the King’s Road? Lady Bitchcakes! For sooth!

 Episode 14: Someday My Princesses Will Come. When speaking to the PriorFatLadies, Ser Jack makes the mistake of calling them PriorFatGirls.

Episode 15: Medieval Woman. Lady Roni of Castle Fitbloggin’ bars the doors of her kingdom, sets the moat on fire and rings the castle grounds with archers, but will it be enough to keep Ser Jack out?

Episode 16: Damsel in Dis Dress. In the nail-biting season finale, Ser Jack encounters Lady Lisa of the Castle HungryGirl and accuses her of stealing the recipe for his world-famous "Air Pudding". And hey, you're sitting in my pointy chair, bitch!

Unfortunately, the famous movie exec I was meeting with turned out to be a homeless person. Still, he’s considering optioning it! Wish me luck...

I'm losing it! (in a good way)


  1. TOO MUCH!!!! Funny!!!

    Yes to the loss!

  2. You, my friend, have WAY too much time on your hands. LMAO

  3. It must be your spidey scenses pushing you to the top. Or, the bottom. Not to speak freely of your bottom. Errr, nice work!

  4. Your mind is a strange and wonderful place. Xo

  5. I don't know that I've every liked a photo of me more.

  6. Was the homeless guy named Ruben? If it is then not only do you get a movie deal, you also know the guy who invented a sandwich!!

    P.S. This post was delicious.

  7. Good start to the morning...with one of my favorite shows/books

  8. Oh, although it may be possible my episode has dragons in it and if that is the case, you may want to warn the others that I'm coming across the great sea to kick their asses.

  9. Hilarious. Make this happen, mmmkay?!

  10. LOL "the scale doesn't measure stones"


    Best show! Best spoof!

  12. That is too funny! Being only a few months old into blogging, I can't believe I recognize most of the faces. Can't wait for the sequel!

  13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  14. So much awesome for one post! Love it.

  15. Hahaha! [snort] That's some funny sh*t, right there.



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