Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Signs It’s Time to Get More Serious About Your Weight Loss

  • You've completely forgotten what shoelaces are
  • Firemen direct ledge-jumpers to aim for you

  • Owner of Chinese restaurant cries joyous tears when he sees you

  • You've started wearing sweatpants to church
  • What you thought was a bad case of belly button lint turns out to be your missing cat
More often than not, you're steering with your stomach
  • You don’t pop your collar… your collar pops you
  • You can't find any donuts in your size
  • You had to MapQuest the gym you belong to
  • You've made up a mysterious knee injury to explain your waddling walk
  • You’ve convinced yourself that it’s “stylish” to leave top button of your slacks unbuttoned
  • Noticed you’ve started packing a can of frosting in your lunch again
  • When you ask your spouse, "Do I look fat?" he or she curls up into a fetal position
  • You dream you ate a giant marshmallow and when you wake up, you go to your computer, launch a search engine and try to find a confectionary store that sells giant marshmallows (dammit, there feels like there should be a better joke in there somewhere)
  • You go horseback riding and accidentally break a mare
  • Aliens need a second tractor beam to abduct you
  • You can clearly see yourself on Google Earth


  1. LOL!!! you blogs are always a great start to the day!

  2. The shoelaces?
    Clearly - that's why God invented Velcro.

  3. LOL... I loved the missing cat one...though it was a little nasty just thinking about it.

  4. Jack, your mind is fascinating, it really is.


  5. Sometimes I wear sweatpants to church, because I hop out of bed and jump in the car to make it to church before the first reading. Maybe I should just set my alarm so I can get up in time to dress like a normal person instead of having to wear my pjs

  6. Thanks for helping me find my cat! Hahahah, just kidding. :P

  7. lol about the sweatpants... I owned 5 pairs of black yoga pants and wore them from the moment my pregnancy started to show, right up until 5 months after I gave birth and had lost enough weight to get back into a pair of jeans!

  8. LOL! This had me rolling! Thought your giant marshmallow joke was original. Usually its that the person wakes up to find they're eating their pillow. :)

  9. :-D Loved this & that marshmallow one even though you thought there was no joke!

    Hey, I wear my stretch shorts out sometimes!

  10. Wait? It's not stylish to leave the top button of your jeans unbuttoned? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME???

  11. The owners of the restaurant aren't so happy if they run a Chinese Buffet. Chapter 7 Time!

  12. As always a good chuckle!
    My fave is the second tractor beam!

  13. aliens need second tractor beam...lol
    firemen direct the jumpers..I know, you wrote them...you know.
    that was funny.
    I needed a laugh.

  14. LOL - Google Earth LMAO!! You're hysterical!

  15. Thanks for the morning chuckle. I can always count on you!

  16. I should pack some carrots with my frosting I suppose.

  17. LOL this was classic! Loved it!

  18. I think the one where you break out of writing and show the writing process is the best! lol

  19. Oh my! What a picture! Hilarious post!

  20. Owner of Chinese restaurant cries joyous tears when he sees you
    Pondered this all day....
    What the heck does it mean, Jack?
    Does this mean what I think it means?
    Or have I finally *lost it?*

  21. That's hilarious! Reminds me that I need to workout tomorrow no matter what!

  22. Hmmm, frosting for lunch is a bad sign?? Got it.

  23. I knew I needed to lose weight when I broke a dining room chair at a 3 year old's birthday party!

  24. The joke about the Chinese restaurant should have made me laugh out loud like the other quips did, instead of cry...I realized the owner of my Chinese restaurant and I are on a first name basis. :( Thanks for the comment tonight...it's always nice to know I've got that special someone out there to stick his foot up my ass when I need it ;) Love ya'.

  25. "Aliens need a second tractor beam to abduct you"
    "You can clearly see yourself on Google Earth"

    LOL! Great list. And you know, I always wonder how people can drive when I see their stomach wedged firmly up against the steering wheel.

  26. Google Earth. Just harsh. Hehehe. Funny stuff Jack!



Related Posts with Thumbnails