Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Signs It’s Time to Get More Serious About Your Weight Loss

  • You've completely forgotten what shoelaces are
  • Firemen direct ledge-jumpers to aim for you

  • Owner of Chinese restaurant cries joyous tears when he sees you

  • You've started wearing sweatpants to church
  • What you thought was a bad case of belly button lint turns out to be your missing cat
  • 
More often than not, you're steering with your stomach
  • You don’t pop your collar… your collar pops you
  • You can't find any donuts in your size
  • You had to MapQuest the gym you belong to
  • You've made up a mysterious knee injury to explain your waddling walk
  • You’ve convinced yourself that it’s “stylish” to leave top button of your slacks unbuttoned
  • Noticed you’ve started packing a can of frosting in your lunch again
  • When you ask your spouse, "Do I look fat?" he or she curls up into a fetal position
  • You dream you ate a giant marshmallow and when you wake up, you go to your computer, launch a search engine and try to find a confectionary store that sells giant marshmallows (dammit, there feels like there should be a better joke in there somewhere)
  • You go horseback riding and accidentally break a mare
  • Aliens need a second tractor beam to abduct you
  • You can clearly see yourself on Google Earth

30 comments:

  1. LOL!!! you blogs are always a great start to the day!

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  2. The shoelaces?
    Clearly - that's why God invented Velcro.

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  3. LOL... I loved the missing cat one...though it was a little nasty just thinking about it.

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  4. Jack, your mind is fascinating, it really is.

    Secretia

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  5. Sometimes I wear sweatpants to church, because I hop out of bed and jump in the car to make it to church before the first reading. Maybe I should just set my alarm so I can get up in time to dress like a normal person instead of having to wear my pjs

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  6. Thanks for helping me find my cat! Hahahah, just kidding. :P

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  7. lol about the sweatpants... I owned 5 pairs of black yoga pants and wore them from the moment my pregnancy started to show, right up until 5 months after I gave birth and had lost enough weight to get back into a pair of jeans!

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  8. LOL! This had me rolling! Thought your giant marshmallow joke was original. Usually its that the person wakes up to find they're eating their pillow. :)

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  9. :-D Loved this & that marshmallow one even though you thought there was no joke!

    Hey, I wear my stretch shorts out sometimes!

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  10. Wait? It's not stylish to leave the top button of your jeans unbuttoned? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME???

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  11. The owners of the restaurant aren't so happy if they run a Chinese Buffet. Chapter 7 Time!

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  12. As always a good chuckle!
    My fave is the second tractor beam!

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  13. aliens need second tractor beam...lol
    firemen direct the jumpers..I know, you wrote them...you know.
    that was funny.
    I needed a laugh.

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  14. LOL - Google Earth LMAO!! You're hysterical!

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  15. Thanks for the morning chuckle. I can always count on you!

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  16. I should pack some carrots with my frosting I suppose.

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  17. LOL this was classic! Loved it!

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  18. I think the one where you break out of writing and show the writing process is the best! lol

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  19. Oh my! What a picture! Hilarious post!

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  20. Owner of Chinese restaurant cries joyous tears when he sees you
...
    Pondered this all day....
    What the heck does it mean, Jack?
    Does this mean what I think it means?
    Or have I finally *lost it?*

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  21. That's hilarious! Reminds me that I need to workout tomorrow no matter what!

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  22. Hmmm, frosting for lunch is a bad sign?? Got it.

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  23. I knew I needed to lose weight when I broke a dining room chair at a 3 year old's birthday party!

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  24. The joke about the Chinese restaurant should have made me laugh out loud like the other quips did, instead of cry...I realized the owner of my Chinese restaurant and I are on a first name basis. :( Thanks for the comment tonight...it's always nice to know I've got that special someone out there to stick his foot up my ass when I need it ;) Love ya'.

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  25. "Aliens need a second tractor beam to abduct you"
    "You can clearly see yourself on Google Earth"

    LOL! Great list. And you know, I always wonder how people can drive when I see their stomach wedged firmly up against the steering wheel.

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  26. Google Earth. Just harsh. Hehehe. Funny stuff Jack!

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