Signs It’s Time to Get More Serious About Your Weight Loss

• You've completely forgotten what shoelaces are
• Firemen direct ledge-jumpers to aim for you

• Owner of Chinese restaurant cries joyous tears when he sees you

• You've started wearing sweatpants to church
• What you thought was a bad case of belly button lint turns out to be your missing cat
• 
More often than not, you're steering with your stomach
• You don’t pop your collar… your collar pops you
• You can't find any donuts in your size
• You had to MapQuest the gym you belong to
  
• You've made up a mysterious knee injury to explain your waddling walk
  
• You’ve convinced yourself that it’s “stylish” to leave top button of your slacks unbuttoned
• Noticed you’ve started packing a can of frosting in your lunch again
• When you ask your spouse, "Do I look fat?" he or she curls up into a fetal position
• You dream you ate a giant marshmallow and when you wake up, you go to your computer, launch a search engine and try to find a confectionary store that sells giant marshmallows (dammit, there feels like there should be a better joke in there somewhere)
• You go horseback riding and accidentally break a mare
• Aliens need a second tractor beam to abduct you
• You can clearly see yourself on Google Earth