Friday, March 5, 2010

I'm Sorry, Coolio

video

As I walk to the fridge in the shadow of my kitchen,
I take a look in the door
And I feel my belly twitchin’.
'Cause I’m starvin’ and I’ve found that my willpower’s gone.
And I know in my gut, I’ll never make it to dawn.
Yeah,
Cold leftover mac–and-cheese, oh I really lurve it.
Grabbing something healthy, you know that's unheard of.
Betta watch what I’m doin’
And watch what I’m eatin’,
Or me and my diet are gonna take another beatin’.
I really hate to bitch but I gotta howl,
Tummy growls, and I want somethin’ tasty in my jowls.
Food! I'm the kinda g that nobody wants to be like,
On my knees in the night
Eating noodles by the fridge light.

We've been spending most our lives
Living in a glutton’s paradise.
We've been working those forks and knives.
Living in a glutton’s paradise.
We been wasting most our lives
Living in a glutton’s paradise.
Excited when the pizza arrives.
Living in a glutton’s paradise.

Looked at the situation I found myself facing,
Wanted a normal life, stop shopping at the fat shop
Knew it was time for me to take one for the team.
Stopped the television watching, cuz now I gotta dream.
I'm an educated dude with weight-loss on my mind
Got some weights in my hand and a gleam in my eye.
I'm a low-carb gangsta, walking with a swagger
I’m a weight-loss outlaw, gettin’ less stout, ya’ll
And I’m down with eatin’ broccoli and kraut raw.
And my homies are down; they don't arouse my hunger.
Food, now it don’t cause me so much anguish
I'm living life day to day, not gonna languish.
Under two hundred now, think I ever live to see one-ninety?
The way it’s going, you bet your sweet hiney!

Tell me why do we
Get trapped by obesity?
Y’know the ones we hurt
Are you and me?

We've been spending most our lives
Living in a glutton’s paradise.
We've been working those forks and knives.
Living in a glutton’s paradise.
We been wasting most our lives
Living in a glutton’s paradise.
Excited when the pizza arrives.
Living in a glutton’s paradise.

Power thru a workout for about an hour,
Countin’ down the minutes til I take my shower.
Eating healthy food now, if ya know what I’m sayin’
I got veggies in a pan, olive oil PAM sprayin’
Time to do some sautéing.
Got some good things to eat here
And pounds dropping like a meteor
Don’t ya understand: this is the final frontier?
I hope you can,
I hope you will,
I hope you do,
And if you don’t, you’re out of luck, fool!

We've been spending most our lives
Living in a glutton’s paradise.
We've been working those forks and knives.
Living in a glutton’s paradise.
We been wasting most our lives
Living in a glutton’s paradise.
Excited when the pizza arrives.
Living in a glutton’s paradise.

Tell me why are we
So blind to see.
That obesity hurts
Both you and me?
Tell me why are we
So blind to see.
That the ones we hurt
Are you and me?

18 comments:

  1. That was great!!! Now I have my Friday song stuck in my head!

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  2. Nobody raids the refrigerator in the middle of the night looking for celery!

    Secretia

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  3. Amazing! I used to love that song!

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  4. There should be a trigger warning on your revamped lyrics. (For us OCD types). This'll be circling my brain for days! I'll need a dose of jack-sh*t-be-gone, STAT!

    Love ya!

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  5. I forgot about this song! Another great post to make a friday even better!

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  6. Yours is better than his for sure. But I think Weird Al still rules this one with Amish Paradise!

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  7. Love this song! Thanks Jack and have a great weekend my friend!

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  8. You forgot to mention that L.V sings the chorus on this song.

    His name is short for "large variety" because of his size. He did not have much of a career after this song.

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  9. HAHA! ROFL! Jack, you have an award (or two) over on my blog. I soo love your daily hilarity!

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  10. Yep, yep yep.
    Who is Coolio?
    I thought this was a Weird Al Yankovic song

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  11. OMG....oh I really lurve it!!!! I laughed through this whole thing and I dont even know the song. On my knees in the night eating noodles by the fridge light!!! thanks for the laugh (and the inspiration)

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  12. I LOVE IT!!!! I was laughing out loud! :)

    Thanks for ths!

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  13. Ha ha! I just saw this now. Awesome! :o)

    But I dunno...I really like the line in the Weird Al Yankovic version: "We're all crazy Mennonites, livin' in an Amish paradise." Mostly because one of my friends is a Mennonite. Not Amish, though. ;o)

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