Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Flu Fixer-Uppers

• Do not get a flu shot; get a flu prevention shot instead.

• Wash your hands, or at the very least, lick them clean.

• Kids can spread germs by passing around toys, so teach your child to never, ever share.

• It’s hard to tell if infants have the flu because they can’t describe exactly what symptoms they’re feeling, so concentrate on teaching your baby to talk.

• You can prevent dehydration by hydrating, dumbass.

• Throw away used tissues instead of shoving them back in the tissue box.

• When you call in sick to work, emphasize that you’re “really” sick this time.

• Introduce a good probiotic with a minimum 14 billion live organisms (make sure that you count them out yourself; 13.9 billion live organisms is just a waste of everybody’s time).

• Since influenza infects your respiratory, or breathing, system, you shouldn’t blame the flu if you get nausea, vomiting or diarrhea. You can blame that on my cooking.

• When you begin exhibiting flu-like symptoms, start taking medicine-like medicine.


  1. "you shouldn’t blame the flu if you get nausea, vomiting or diarrhea. You can blame that on my cooking." Exactly!! Yet everybody complains when I pass around the take-out menus when you come for dinner at my place. I don't get it! I am a terrible cook. Everybody knows it. Your chooses are suffering and possible illness or whatever you want cooked by a trained chef. Why do people still want option 1?

  2. You crack me up...even while sick, you still have a great sense of humor. :-)

  3. Best Flu Advice ever!

    Ok, so I still have some weird crap in my lungs that I can't get rid of 2 and a half weeks after getting this damn thing. But, alas, there is only about a 72 hour window of sympathy on flu, at most, no matter how virulent it is. Hope you are feeling better soon because if there's anything worse than being sick, it's not being able to whine to anyone who will pay attention. Waaahhhh!!!

  4. Probiotics are excellent. I also take elderberry throughout the winter to fight of the flu.



Related Posts with Thumbnails