Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Healthy Living for Pennies a Day

• Making your own sushi is much cheaper than going out, and you can do it with items you probably already have around the house, such as a sushi mat, sushi vinegar, sushi rice, sushi seaweed and a sushi chef.

• You can make your own “100-calorie packs” by putting 100 calories worth of any food into a plastic bag, dumbass.

• Only eat processed foods if you process them yourself.

• One way to spend a smaller percentage of your income on food is by getting a job where you make more money.

• When you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, remember to wear your coat with Ziploc bags sewn into the inner lining.

• One way to get easy access to fresh vegetables is to marry a farmer.

• You can get free eggs and free milk if you can figure out some way to breed a cow with a chicken.

• Want a free membership to a fitness center? All you have to do is invent a shrink ray to make yourself too tiny to be seen.

• Organic bananas are much more expensive than the regular kind, unless you change the sticker on them like I do.

• You can make your own juicer using a hammer and… well, I guess that’s really all you need.

• Why spend money on expensive health books and magazines when I provide world-class nutrition and fitness information right chere?


THE DAILY SCALEY
 Starting to really hate weighing every day because
 it makes me really exercise and watch what I eat and... oh wait...

19 comments:

  1. "One way to get easy access to fresh vegetables is to marry a farmer". lol! I love that. Your posts are not only informative, they are entertaining as well.

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    Replies
    1. I'd rather light a candle than curse the darkness (even though I really do enjoy cursing the darkness).

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  2. I love your posts, they give me a great giggle on my bad days. I do love making my own sushi, it's vegetable sushi so I don't have to deal with the fish, but I do enjoy making it and eating it! Thanks again Jack!

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    Replies
    1. I don't make my own sushi, but I DO make my own soy sauce.

      Delete
  3. Great post Jack! Gonna spend the rest of the week looking for a farmer to marry. Well...maybe a farmer's daughter.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Also, paper has a nice amount of fiber and very few calories. Or so I've been told.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I weigh every day too, but only officially count my weight on Fridays :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I need a scale that's less... what's the word I'm looking for?... oh yeah, a bitch.

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  6. or you can do like my niece did-have a baby, not work for a living and get $500 a week in food stamps. You can still support your smoking/drinking habits that way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't get me started on food stamps. I got nothing against food stamps in general, but I really think that some really bad-for-you crap ought to be excluded from food stamp use, the same way beer and cigs are. I worked my way thru college as a grocery store checker and saw first-hand the poor choices folks make with food stamps.

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    2. I remember standing behind a guy buying caviar with his stamps. My daughter's 24 year old friends who can't seem to find work buy cookies and ice cream and cake for weekend parties with theirs. Good to know out hard earned $$$ are feeding the clueless.

      Delete
  7. I'll shoot for winning the lottery. Or marrying someone who won the lottery. Or rob bing someone who won the lottery.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sticker switching! You are a baddy daddy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Next you're gonna get onto me for all the shoplifting I do. Don't judge me!

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  9. All my books and magazines go in the trash tonight. Gonna work my way through all of your world class suggestions. I shall report back to you with my non-findings.

    ReplyDelete

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