• You can make your own “100-calorie packs” by putting 100 calories worth of any food into a plastic bag, dumbass.
• Only eat processed foods if you process them yourself.
• One way to spend a smaller percentage of your income on food is by getting a job where you make more money.
• When you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, remember to wear your coat with Ziploc bags sewn into the inner lining.
• One way to get easy access to fresh vegetables is to marry a farmer.
• You can get free eggs and free milk if you can figure out some way to breed a cow with a chicken.
• Want a free membership to a fitness center? All you have to do is invent a shrink ray to make yourself too tiny to be seen.
• Organic bananas are much more expensive than the regular kind, unless you change the sticker on them like I do.
• You can make your own juicer using a hammer and… well, I guess that’s really all you need.
• Why spend money on expensive health books and magazines when I provide world-class nutrition and fitness information right chere?
THE DAILY SCALEY
Starting to really hate weighing every day because
it makes me really exercise and watch what I eat and... oh wait...