Now I normally don’t like to tell people how to do their job, BUT, LADY... THIS IS HOW YOU DO YOUR JOB:
• Refrain from making elaborate puppet show with vegetables, even though your “Spongebok Choypants” skit IS hilarious.
• Thumping the watermelon to see if it’s ripe is acceptable; thumping the person at cash register to get her attention is not.
• Don’t take a magic marker and draw nipples on all the cantaloupes.
• If a little old lady is struggling with a heavy load of fruits and vegetables, help her get them into her car before stealing her purse.
• Don’t try to return a seedless watermelon because you found a seed inside; they’re onto that trick!
• None of the vendors really like it when you ask if the price for the vegetables includes a tractor ride around the parking lot.
• They say that the best deals at the farmer’s market happen late in the day, but I do not recommend rolling in at midnight.
• Don’t dress up like a giant ear of corn and strut around saying “Shuck me, baby!” to everyone you meet.
THE DAILY SCALEY
I blame gain on the heavy, heavy tie...