Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Stress Relief Tips

• Take a deep breath… of Nitrous oxide.

• Unplug for a bit… but first post on your blog, update your Facebook status, tweet what you’re doing, check your voice mail, do whatever you do to LinkedIn, etc.

• Taking a vacation is a great way to relieve stress… that is, until you get back and realize that all your work just piled up on your desk and now you’ve gotta work twice as hard to catch up.

• Drink a big cup of chamomile whiskey.

• Giving up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food can give you a stress-free existence right up until the moment you kill yourself.

• Hypnosis is a fantastic way to reduce tension and for me to make you cluck like a chicken and duck-walk across the room.

• Visualization works, but only if you really believe in it, so visualize yourself visualizing yourself becoming more relaxed and refreshed.

• Keep one of those stress balls on your desk so that when you’re feeling ultra-stressed, you can just squeeze, squeeze, squee… DAMMIT! Busted stress ball and sand all over keyboard!

• Do yoga to Enya music, or–better yet–do Enya to yoga music.

• Stop gritting your teeth and start gritting somebody else’s teeth.

• Find your chi, the vital life force that flows throughout the body. If you can’t find your chi, there’s some cheese that probably has your name on it.

• Take a walk in a hot bubble bath.

• Say a little prayer. Here… I’ll get you started: “Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I shall die before I wake tell my friends I drank it straight.”

• Tiptoe through the tulips, bitch.


  1. Thank you for starting the day with humor!


  2. This post totally made me relieve some stress when I started laughing at the Enya/yoga tip! I really do, do yoga while listening to Enya, but the reverse, well...??? LOL! Thanks!

  3. "Drink a big cup of chamomile whiskey"

    Yes! I vote for this one! Do you think you could sell the idea to Maker'r Mark?

  4. Um.. that would be Maker's Mark. Sometimes I type too fast.

  5. What the hell do you do on LinkedIn. I've got like 200 connections and still haven't even had one hookup. Service sucks.

  6. Prayer is also a great stress reliever.

    Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those that I had to kill because they pissed me off.

  7. Pour me some Chamomile Whiskey! Lol!

  8. I find a shot of Maker's Mark in the middle of a stressful work day makes everything feel more fun ... and then the fun wears off and I have a huge headache for the rest of the late evening of work. :P No, I don't do that ... well maybe a couple of times a year if my co-workers are joining in. Misery loves company ... no! Misery loves to leave work on time. :)

  9. OMG, I'm laughing my ass off!!! Thanks Jack.

  10. Thanks Jack, I will reread this next time I need to do none of the above!



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