Wednesday, March 16, 2011

What Spammers Can Teach Us About Losing Weight

If you’re like me (and for argument’s sake, let’s assume you’re like me in every single way), your email inbox is stuffed to the gills with all kinds of spam (and let’s assume your email inbox has gills).

Folks wanting to lend you money, folks wanting to give you money, folks wanting to sell you something, folks wanting to trick you into providing your personal information so they can help themselves to your money.

It’s pretty insidious stuff, generally, but it occurs to me that we can learn a thing or two from spammers as we make our way along our healthy living path:

Persistence matters. Whether you’re attempting to reclaim your body or trying to scam a little old lady out of her life’s savings, it’s important to never quit trying to reach your goals. You’ll have setbacks – injuries, business trips, anti-spam filters – but it’s vital to keep on keeping on.

Don’t worry about what others think. If there’s one thing you have to admire about spammers, it’s their single-minded focus. They don’t care if a spouse isn’t supportive or if family and friends try to undermine what they’re doing. No, they just keep on spamming, day in and day out. Spam, spam, spam.  Imagine if you put that kind of effort and determination into your weight-loss efforts…

It’s a numbers game.
Since sending email is free, a teeny-tiny percentage of return is acceptable–even profitable. Spammers understand that it’s all about following a proven formula and trusting that it will pay off in the end. Likewise, weight loss can be boiled down to an easy-to-understand “calories in vs. calories burned” equation. And even small losses can add up to winning results!

Sticking with a system works.
The reason that spamming is here to stay is because it works. In 2010, approximately 95 billion spam messages were sent across the globe. Coincidently, approximately 95 billion people around the world started a new diet last year. Like the spam emails, most of them ended in failure, but that doesn’t mean that you just quit trying. You just have to believe… and trust… that what you’re doing is going to pay off in the end.

Make no mistake: I hate spam. I hate the tricky headers and the phishing schemes and the affronts to the size of my manhood, but I will take a lesson about this healthy living business anywhere I can get it.


  1. I'm a celiac, so I can't eat spam. What else would you recommend to lose weight in place of spam, spam, spam?

  2. I am going to apply these principles. Spammers are persistant, I'll give ya that. One should also note that it's best to have company while dieting (I learned this from the escort spams) and that I have a little penis. Which is remarkably accurate, as it is clearly non-exsistant. Somedays I rue the fact my name as a woman is Charlie...

  3. I never thought of it like that way.

    Duh. Of course not. I'm not you.

    Or am I...

  4. I could only wish I was like you Jack - life would be so much more interesting ;-).
    I hate spam and running from collectors, problems, chores and NO jack, you can't retire ;-)

  5. Hrmmmmm.....our girl JBS claimed that we coordinated posts today. I guess she was right, with the spammers (on your blog) and the drug cartel (on mine). They're obviously working together for our greater good.

  6. i love this post.. ironically as I was reading it i got a spam on twitter about the benefits of green, no thanks. love the analogy you made, who would of thought spam could actually inspire us in other parts of our lives...



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