• “Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel loses a pound.”
• “I'll be back… after my workout!”
• “My momma always said, bloggers was like a box of chocolates–all different kinds and most full of nuts.”
• “Well, I believe in the diet, the blog, the push-up, that muscle at the small of a woman's back, high fiber, plenty of water, that these lists by Jack Sh*t are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Jack LeLanne was a fitness pioneer. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing High Fructose Corn Syrup and the McDonald’s Happy Meal. I believe in the sweat spot, low-fat salad dressing, doing your weigh-in once a week rather than every day and I believe in long, slow, deep, hard, workouts that last three hours.”
• “You're gonna need a smaller butt.”
• “I'll make him an sandwich he can't refuse.”
• “Soylent Green is people… but it’s low-fat and gluten-free.”
• “The first rule of Bite Club is - you do not blog about Bite Club. The second rule of Bite Club is - you DO NOT eat Chinese food the day before a weigh-in.”
• “When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, my weigh-in sucks.”
• “Yo, Adrian. Let’s just grab a salad tonight.”
• “You're a lean, mean, dieting machine!”
• “I wish I knew how to quit juice.”
• “I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to eat this anymore.”
• “They call me Mister Tibbs and I no longer drink Mister Pibbs.” (Wait… do they still make Mister Pibbs? What about Tab?)
• “Houston, we have weight problem.”
• “Shaken, not stirred… on second thought, I’ll have a Mango Bobango Smoothie with a vitamin boost.”
• “On my signal, unleash hell… on the treadmill!”
• “I see fat people.”
• “I am going to chop this piece of tilapia up into 42 pieces.”
• “Gluttony, definitely my favorite sin.”
• “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful weight-loss journey.”
I'm afraid I can't eat that, Dave!
ReplyDelete:D
You are too funny! Love this!
ReplyDelete*lol* Yes, Mr. Pibb is still around. Somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a post once, Houston, we have a tri-cep. I was pretty pleased with my punnyness. How do you come up with these things, daily?
ReplyDelete“My momma always said, bloggers was like a box of chocolates–all different kinds and most full of nuts.”
ReplyDeleteby far my favorite quote ever!
Brilliant Jack ;-)
thanks for the giggle this morning!
ReplyDeletebahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jack... you rock my funny bone.
"We're gonna need a smaller butt."
hah!
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ReplyDelete"I see fat people."
ReplyDeleteWhat I think everyday when I look in the mirror.
Then I think, "We're gonna need a smaller butt."
And before you eat that donut, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, Chunk?”
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly for following my blog, I hop I don't bore you too badly. MUCH appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThese are terrific!
ReplyDeleteHope Anita is doing well.
Thanks for the chuckles, as per the usual and yep they do make Mr. Pibb and TAB! I like going to the grocery store and checking out the store-names for well known sodas. My fave being "Mountain Thunder"--- what my thighs will be should I choose to embibe! :-D
ReplyDeleteI want to become an angel and start hanging out in school yards.
ReplyDeleteI loved The Devil's Advocate. Isn't vanity his favorite sin in the movie? Keanu Reeves is just hott!
ReplyDeleteThis was too funny! Good job!
You're gonna need a smaller butt...you should email that to carlos...lol. I am totally stealing that one.
ReplyDeletelove it.
These's are great! "You're gonna need a smaller butt" ahaha
ReplyDeleteGood oint. What did happen to TAB? And yes, I am gonna need a smaller butt.
ReplyDelete"Soylent Green is people - but it's low-fat and gluten-free" - cracked me up! Gotta hit the net and see if I can find a copy of that old movie - it's a classic.
ReplyDeleteLMAO.
ReplyDelete