Friday, July 23, 2010

Signs You Need to Do Something About Your Diet

  • You count candy corn as a vegetable
  • Doctor says that your bloodwork shows a high concentration of frosting

Only fruit you've eaten in past three weeks is Hostess fruit pie

You regularly have movie theater popcorn for dinner

  • Kraft blames you specifically for the current worldwide macaroni-and-cheese shortage

  • You've memorized all the selection numbers in the office vending machine

  • Your popsicles glow in the dark

  • For breakfast, you have an enormous bowl of Milk Dud Bran

  • Your most-used condiment is marshmallow creme

Your favorite dinner is fried chicken with a side of buffet

  • You find yourself buttering a stick of butter

  • You point out that you and your spouse finished an entire bottle
 of wine at dinner, after which your spouse replies “Ummmm, I didn't
have any wine”

  • Domino’s has started marketing a new deep-dish pizza named after you

  • You sweat grease

  • Your sack lunch looks like a 9-year-old’s bag on Halloween night

  • You order green beans at a restaurant and the waitress keels over from shock

  • You wear one of those beer-can hats to church

  • You do your grocery shopping at the gas station

  • The fellow that owns that ice cream parlor you like hugs you and thanks you for sending his daughter to Princeton


  1. Funny. I'm glad finally these things don't apply like they use too. Love reading your blog. Take care and have a safe and blessed weekend.

  2. Ahhh, butter on butter. Have you been peering in my windows, Jack?

  3. I don't know about buttering butter, but my SIL's father buttered his donuts. And he wasn't overweight. My only irritation with my current eating plan is that it most certainly doesn't include donuts - buttered or unbuttered. Cottage cheese is a poor substitute.

  4. Well then why is it called CORN? That's awfully deceptive...

  5. i love a bit of fried chicken with a side of buffet.

    damnit thats a sign!

  6. You mean... candy corn ISN'T a vegetable? *waaahhh!!!!*

  7. Is it bad that I've had a movie theatre popcorn for dinner on more than one occasion?

  8. Well, when I order green beans.... the waiter brings them and my body summarily rejects them as a foreign substance!

    Thanks Jack as always!!

  9. Yes, those are definitely signs that some change is in order. I think I may have a few of them!




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