Monday, July 12, 2010

So You're Struggling...

Believe you me, I know what it’s like to be having a difficult time during this weight-loss journey. You’ve bee-bopping along, doing great and then… WHAMMO… brick wall. Quicksand. Roadblocks. Setbacks.

You're parked in the Plateau Zone.

Well, as my Grandpa Noah always told me, “I'd rather light a candle than curse the darkness,” so I've come up with some ideas that could help you jumpstart your mojo and get you back to your losing ways...

  • Take up a hobby, such as “Not Eating.”

  • Write short little sentences on your bathroom mirror, such as “You rock!”, “You can do it!” and “REDRUM”.

  • They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so make all three of your meals breakfast.

  • Wear smaller pants under your regular pants, and under those? Even smaller pants.

  • Draw a big “L” on your forehead to remind yourself that you’re trying to lose weight.

  • Consider getting a haircut, especially if you have really heavy hair.

  • Take the stairs instead of the elevator… no wait… shimmy up the elevator cable instead of taking the stairs.

  • Do twice as much exercise as you currently do; for example, if you’re currently doing none, then twice that would be… ummm… carry the one… waitaminute… that can’t be right… zero times two is still zero?... okay, that was a bad example…

  • You know who gets a LOT of exercise? Those crazy dudes that get naked and streak across the field every so often at ball games.

  • Instead of a five-pronged fork, try using a four-pronged one. That's 
20% less prong.


  • There're a ton of calories in those snacks at the stadium. Consider 
taking your own food, such as a portable 
Fry Baby and your own corndog fixin's.

  • 
You rarely see an obese hobo, so consider riding the rails for a few 
months.

  • If you’re a woman, pilates class is a good place to work on your flexibility and core strength; if you’re a man, pilates class is a good place to go watch stretchy women.

  • Once a month, eat only what you can hunt down and kill in your own backyard (note: I have some really good recipes for “dog” I can pass on…)

  • A fun way to get more exercise is to combine two different sports, but be prepared to get yelled at by irate old farts if you decide to take up “golf bowling”.

  • Write your goal down in PERMANENT magic marker.

31 comments:

  1. Hell, at this point I would take a plateau.

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  2. Hahahaha! Jack, I haven't been here for a while but you're just as funny as ever. Thanks for my morning laugh. Went well with the coffee!

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  3. A good laugh is a GREAT way to start a Monday morning!

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  4. As usual visiting your blog put a smile on my face :)
    Thanks Jack!

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  5. You're so funny, Jack! You made my morning! How about sleeping all day (we don't eat when we sleep, right?). That'd be a great lazy way to break that plateau ;-P Totally know what you're talking about though, and I like that quitting is not an option for you. Keep it up!

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  6. I like the 20% less prong comment!

    I posted something similar, though not funny, this morning...must be a lot of people struggling with a slump.

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  7. I will be laughing at 20% less prong all morning.

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  8. "Write short little sentences on your bathroom mirror, such as “You rock!”, “You can do it!” and “REDRUM”."

    I about died reading this! LOLOL!

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  9. Excellent tips! I'm going to put on another pair of pants now...

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  10. I think I will start eating with a one pronged fork....it will slow me down.

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  11. Excellent! I knew some good would come of those stupid dogs that keep getting in the backyard!

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  12. Hahahaha. My office mate just looked funny at me because I LOL thrice. I hate people that say thrice. I don't think that is even a real word. Damn it, now I have to look it up.

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  13. Good advice, but can I be Asian instead of a hobo?

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  14. I love this list, brought a smile on my face and needed that.

    Been struggling a bit too lately and what I've done is made an Excel file with my complete half marathon training on it, my planned races, my other workouts till February next year when I'm done with it. This way I can stripe down every run/workout that I've done and there better be lots of stripes at the end!

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  15. I don't remember seeing this one on your site, but:

    - If you are right-handed, eat with your left hand. If you are left-handed, eat with your right hand. You will stop eating as much because the danger of facial damage with the fork.

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  16. I've been on a plateau a very long time. But when I look from where I started, I just let it go. My body will do what it's going to do. It's obviously very comfortable at this weight. I'm at a healthy weight, so I will let it settle out. When it and I are ready, we'll shave off a few more.

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  17. Your first bullet point of "not eating" had me laughing out loud...so literally LOLing.

    Nice work. :)

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  18. I think you left off:
    -Read Jack Sh*t's blog on a regular basis for a great ab workout.

    Thanks for the laugh, now I'm off to buy 3 pronged forks.

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  19. LOL! All of a sudden I'm in the mood to watch The Shining:)

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  20. OMG, 20% less prong. That totally made me LOL.

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  21. There is nothing like a super tight pair of pants or jeans that used to fit to get you back on track... put those babies on & go a full day like that.. should make you think!:-)

    Thx for the laugh with the message!

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  22. IM GOING STREAKING!!!!!!!!!!

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  23. Scoot over, Tracey, I'm coming with you! lol! "Lookey there, lookey there!" lmao!!

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  24. Just FYI, Rollerblade basketball ended quite badly when I tried it 15 years ago.

    As did VolleyHulaBall.

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  25. I am off for nine weeks and think ridin' the rails would be a fun thing to try.

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  26. Oh I have totally thought about doing the homeless thing for a while.... of course that would include eating dogs I am sure.

    No dogs out there right now... have any Opossum recipes?

    Yeah... been struggling some myself lately. Just have to keep grinding it out.

    Thanks Jack!

    WeighDownSouth.com

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  27. got the giggles now... thank you!

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  28. Thank you for the laugh! REDRUM indeed.

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