Friday, July 2, 2010

Hi Jack

As I may have mentioned before, I'm giving a Philips DirectLife activity monitor a trial run. One of the most interesting things about the little electronic gizmo is that it's tethered to a real life (possibly) personal coach (still not 100% sure it's not robot or call center worker from India... must conduct more tests) who provides you support, supplies you with information and, sometimes, falls in love with you. I'm not saying that that's happened in my case, but I'm not saying that it hasn't either...

Dear DirectLife Coach Jen,

I would never imply that you think my dedicated workouts are not valuable or important. I would never put words in your mouth, and if I did it would be more like "Jack, you're like some mythological god who's come down from Olympus to stride the Earth once more" or "Jack, you're activity levels are getting me all hot and bothered over here."

Truthfully, I didn't even realize that the doohickey made a little light show at night (I'm not much of an instruction reader, DirectLife Coach Jen). When I saw it go off, I almost put on my running shoes and took off down the street to see if I could make it go haywire again.

I'm going to be completely serious for a minute, DirectLife Coach Jen: you're absolutely right. I tend to look at activity as an all-or-nothing proposition. I throw myself into my workouts, and then I throw myself into my work. I'm starting to see that it can be valuable to change the way I look at all-through-the-day activity, that there's something to be said for short bursts of movement and added emphasis on effort. You've somehow managed to cram some insightful information through my incredibly thick skull. I think it's high time you asked for a raise, DirectLife Coach Jen.

Well, I gotta run. We're having my middle daughter Holly's birthday party today and I've ordered a moon bounce castle (she's 18 going on 8); there's a fair chance that I make the activity monitor blow up today...

Take care,

Jack


Hi Jack,

It is really always a pleasure to get your emails. I like that you add humor to every email, but you're also able to get serious. I was hoping that you had docked already so that I could see your activity from the moon bounce castle - next time...

It sounds like you have now decided to take this opportunity of being involved in the DirectLife program to really explore the activity-all-through-the-day concept. I, of course, fully support you in this and am here to now help you find out how you can do that. Sometimes this take a bit of mental gymnastics to figure out just where and how more activity can be fit in. Creativity is helpful, and willingness is key. Do you already see areas of your life that you can add in more activity? If not, I can send you a brainstorming exercise which helps you think outside the box, and then narrow the options into realistic ones that you will try. Would you like me to send you this? I promise that it won't make your computer blow up.

I hope the birthday party was fantastic!

Dear DirectLife Coach Jen,

You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little f*cked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to f*ckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

Ahhhh, forget it. It would have been better if we were sitting around a table at a restaurant with a bunch of wiseguys and then I pulled a gun on you like in GoodFellas. In an email, it just comes across as kinda creepy (but it's too late to delete it now).

I'm a little out of sorts because I wasn't able to make the activity doohickey blow up in the moon bounce castle, DirectLife Coach Jen. After landing on a couple of little kids and getting yelled at by their parents, the fun kind of got sucked out of the entire experience. Then the 17- and 18-year-olds just wanted to lounge around in it. Youth is wasted on the young, DirectLife Coach Jen!

You can send me your brainstorming exercise if you want, but thinking outside the box is what I do for a living, DirectLife Coach Jen. I think outside the box, inside the box and all around each corner of the box. Sometimes, I sit in a box to help me think outside it and then visa versa. Just the other day, I invented something that I call the "reverse push-up" where you get down on the floor and then... well, I haven't worked out all the details yet. But that just illustrates the kind of outside-the-box thinking that I'm capable of...

Lastly, I don't like to toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT I'M KILLING YOUR ACTIVITY MONITOR. TOOT TOOT CHECK OUT MY NUMBAHS! TOOT TOOT

Take care,

Jack

Hi Jack,

How has your week gone? I must say your Activity Data and progress since your Assessment week is outstanding! How are you feeling? Is this doable longer term and are you feeling energetic and excited by the added activity?

Your blogs are fantastic, was there some Dr. Seuss' influence in there?

Now, with your increased activity I also notice that the exercise really boosts up the score, and there is not much adjustment to the day to day. Not to harp on this too much, but is this something that you working towards changing as well? Let me know and have a fantastic
weekend,

Jen

PS. Happy belated fathers day! I hope that it was a wonderful celebration of YOU! ... I notice that you took that day off of monitor wearing. Was this a conscious decision or did you just happen to leave it behind by accident?

Hi DirectLife Coach Jen,

Thanks for complimenting my near superhuman efforts on the activity front, but the truth is that I had a tiny setback this week: just like Samson was weakened when his beautiful hair was cut off, I've been laid low by a hurty heel. Turns out my Achille's Heel is actually my heel. Actually, I guess that makes me more like Achilles than Samson.

I tried to stay off it the last couple of days and I was actually able to run again this morning in a 6 a.m. full-court basketball game. I was at over 75% of my activity level for the day by 7:30 this morning. I could slip into a coma this afternoon and still hit my numbers, because that's the kind of high-activity son-of-a-bitch I am!

I'm still trying to incorporate more activity into my work day, but it's difficult as a professional casket tester. My job is to lay there and make certain that each coffin my company produces has suitable "layability". There's a little more to it than that, but I hate to talk shop...

I'm not sure I know this Dr. Seuss person you're referring to. Is he somebody I should talk to about my gimpy heel?

Take care,

Jack

P.S. Thanks for the Father's Day well wishes. I let my dad Horace wear my activity monitor for the day, which should explain why the number was zero. I'm surprised it wasn't even lower, frankly.

15 comments:

  1. I missed your posts while I was hibernating! LMAO!!!

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  2. Not to be a total dweeb, but if these are REAL emails from DirectLife Coach Jen, I might want to look into this program! But somehow, I think you might just be $hitting me, Jack!

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  3. I know I goof a lot, but every email I've included on all of these DirectLife posts have been the actual correspondence I've had with them. I didn't intend to run them as posts, but after re-reading the exchanges, I decided that they were at least as entertaining as anything else I throw up there... and actually sneak in a little good info (on Jen's part anyway...)

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  4. DirectLife Caoch Jen deserves a medal or something for dealing with all this craziness, but robots don't have a lot of use for medals I suppose...

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  5. I love these!!! I always look for them- keep them coming!!!! :)

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  6. Seems like an appropriate place for a Good Fellas reference to me.

    Have a Great weekend!

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  7. That is hilarious! Real emails? Even funnier. They must have patience.

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  8. I love these exchanges between you and Coach Jen too. Pretty cool it's working for you too. Sounds like a good deal to me.

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  9. they're really real? really?

    ba ha ha ha ha ha

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  10. OMG... loved this.. especially the "funny" paragraph! I will never ever get one of those things & still trying to figure out if it is real or a figment of your crazed imagination! :-)

    Happy holidays to you!

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  11. I don't even know what direct life is ... but I'm living in my own bubble these days.

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  12. LMAO I feel sorry for poor DirectLife Couch Jen. I think she might go crazy after couching Jack! Or have a shortcircuit, actually.

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  13. These posts are always so great to read.

    I almost want to get one of these just so I can see it tell me I'm very active because of my work. I was running around so much tonight, for like four hours straight, that I had a good sweat going on. And that wasn't even my workout for the day!

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