I Gained a Pound

Weekly weigh-in: 226.0

Loss: +1.0
Total loss: -65.9

Emotion: Ticked

I gained a pound.

How did it happen?

Who’s to blame?

What’s the matter?

Why did it occur?

Where did it come from?

I gained a pound.

It happens.

I’m to blame.

I ate more than I should.

That’s where it always comes from.

I gained a pound.

I need to get to work…

Keeping My W.I.D.T.H.'s About Me

 

It looks as though I'm coming to the end of the W.I.D.T.H. road. I've enjoyed the fantastic contributions and always smile when they show up in my email inbox.

I'll still share any that anyone cares to send me (send to jacksh.tgettinfit@gmail.com and don't forget to include a blog URL if you'd like it included), but I'm getting too few to make it an every weekend affair.

Thanks to everyone who participated.

 Denise @ Denise Does Life

Ice Queen @ Fat Like Me

  

Jenn @ I Have a Shape... Round

Susan @ I Can Be Old Or Fat, But Not Both

Lea @ 5000 Days

Tara @ 263 And Counting

Helen @ Doing a 180

Mrs. Happy Pants @ Mrs. Happy Pants

Fleagirl @ Food Fetish

Brooke @ Brooke: NOT on a Diet!

Andrew @ 100 Pounds in a Year

Allison @ I Heart Change

Marie @ Mousearoo's Mumblings

I'm on a Diet

Jack Sh*t – get your comments ready.
Weight’s about to go down.
Everybody in the place shut your freakin’ mouth,

And lace up your mother-joggin’ shoes.

We running today, let’s go!

I’m on a diet, I’m on a diet.
 
Everybody look at me,

‘Cause I’m sticking to my diet.

I’m on a diet, I’m on a diet.

Take a good hard look

At my blubber-bustin’ diet.



I’m on a diet, blubber-blogger, take a look at me.
Losing pounds on this diet, that’s my guarantee.
Working out, dawg, don’t wanna keep it private.
Look at me, blogger brothers, ‘cause I’m on a diet

.

Yeah, I was too thick,
I’m on a diet, bitch.
I got some healthy fruits and veggies
All up in my fridge.

I got my running shoes,
And my running buddies,

While other folks are channel-surfin’,
Loading up their tummies.



I’m working at the gym,
Doing lunges and sh*t.
I keep on jogging,
Til’ my shirt's all wet
.
Not in my Lazy-Boy - I’m gettin’ all fit.
I’m on a diet, salad-eaters, and my name’s Jack Sh*t!


I’m on a diet and,
Got a new game plan.
Just ate some yogurt that I topped with lots of wheat bran.
I’m the king of the scale, like I’m on the Biggest Loser.
Feeling pretty good now, know I got a healthy future.
 


Get the f*ck up, this diet is real!

Eat candy? I’m on a diet, blubber-blogger
!
Eat chips? I’m eating fruit,  blubber-blogger!
Rockin’ out my birthday suit, blubber-blogger!
I’m finally givin’ a toot, blubber-blogger!

Hey ma, if you could see me now
,
Since I’m not eating as much as a cow
.
Gonna take this diet to goal weight somehow.
Like Jillian says, “You gotta keep going!”
 



Yeah, never thought I’d be on a diet
.
And I think, you too, ought to try it.
My weigh-in, look at that, OH!

Never thought I’d see the day,
Looking forward to what I weigh.

Believe me when I say,
“The hell with the buffet!”

I’m on a diet, I’m on a diet.

Everybody look at me

'Cause I’m finally on a diet.
I’m on a diet, I’m on a diet.

Take a good hard look

At the blubber-busting diet.

Confush*t Say…

…person who eat too much butter doesn’t leave much margarine for error with weigh-in.

…person who just doesn’t like to drink water shouldn’t try to faucet.

…person who decide to become vegetarian may find it a missed steak.

…person on no-carb diet can develop a loathe of bread.

…person who eat too much Chinese food today have bad weigh-in tamari.

…person who eats a lot of donuts dozen have to worry about losing too much weight.

…person who can’t give up carbs find much a-dough about muffin.

…person whose diet doesn’t include vegetables leaves mushroom for improvement.

…person who cooks for herself has skillet takes to eat more healthy.

…person who eat too much bread is a gluten for punishment.

…person who write weight-loss blog is starving for attention.

Confush*t believes that you and you alone are the one who controls your own density. After all, nothing dentured, nothing gained.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.

The Search for Fatsquatch: A League of Extraordinarily Fat Gentlemen Adventure

As Jack watched the helicopter touch down in the clearing, he knew that catastrophe had been narrowly averted.

“Hey, Jack!” yelled “Too-Big” Jess. “I got the graham crackers, chocolate bars and marshmallows you wanted. What did you need them for?”

“Ummmmm...,” stammered Jack. “It’s official League business, Jess. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Sounds like you’re making s’mo…”

“I SAID YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND!”

“So, am I an official League member yet?” asked Jess, handing over the grocery bag.

“Soon, Jess. Soon...,” said Jack, leading them back to the camp site.

“But I mowed your lawn like you asked…” said Jess. “Three times, in fact.”

“That was to teach you a valuable lesson,” pointed out Jack. “About the transformational power of exercise.”

“Jack!” shrieked Running on Awesome’s Steve. “Come quick!”

“What is it?” asked Jack.

“We’ve found signs of the legendary Fatsquatch monster we were called out here to investigate.”

Jack, Steve and Jess rushed through the woods to reach a small group of guys… well, it wasn’t exactly a “small” group…

“Wow, look at the size of the footprint,” exclaimed Vinny from Fat to Fit Diary.

“And take a gander at all those Milky Way wrappers…,” noted Scott from Your Inner Skinny.

“Fatsquatch!”

“Crap-on-a-stick!” exclaimed Jack. “Let’s get the hell outta here!”

“But that’s the entire reason that the League of Extraordinarily Fat Gentlemen were called out here,” said No More Bacon’s Ryan.

Ummmmm… well, you see…

“Unless you just wanted to go on a camping trip where you didn’t have to do anything,” said Scott.

“You did ‘forget’ to bring your trunk of healthy snacks,” noted Prior Fat Guy James.

“And you ‘accidentally’ brought three cases of beer instead of bottled water,” said Vinny.

“And you sat in the tent watching an entire season of ‘Top Chef’ on your laptop instead of hiking these woods with the rest of us,” said Jess.

“Enough, enough!” shouted Jack. “I brought the League of Extraordinarily Fat Gentlemen into this world, and by God… I can take them out!”

“This is bullsh*t!” said Steve. “I could have joined The Anti-Jared’s League of Extraordinarily Fat Facebook Friends instead….”

Suddenly, they heard a loud crash behind them.

A large, horrible-looking figure jumped out.

‘Fatsquatch!” screamed Jess, Vinny, Ryan, Steve and James, who turned and ran off into the woods at full speed. “Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Jack stood there and bravely stared the beast down.

“What’s their deal?” asked the strange creature.

“Welcome back, Fat Daddy,” smiled Jack. “How about some s’mores?”

Hey Kids! Weight Loss Tips.

• It helps to think of food as "fuel", so take a huge whiff of gasoline before each meal.

• You can get a free personal training session by writing a check that bounces.

• One way to drink more water is to think like a dolphin. Squeeeee squeeeeeee.

• A 50-lb toothbrush allows for an effective arm workout as well as good dental hygiene.

• When you're at a restaurant, ask your waiter to slap you if you try to order dessert.

• Cut out your pre- and mid-weigh-in snack.

• Plan out every meal you're going to have between now and when you die.

• A glass of fresh celery juice will make you never want to put anything in your mouth ever again.

• If you eat more mindfully, then your mind will be more eaterly (okay, it's entirely possible that I've done too many weight-loss tips.

Hungry for more? Well, check out my guest post over at Operation Shrink Charlie's Big Butt.

Why I Hate Driving Around at Lunchtime...