Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Ultimate Jack Sh*t Workout

You can't afford to hire a personal trainer or join a gym?
Well boo freakin' hoo! I'm gonna design a workout
for you to do in your own home...

 
All you need is a kettlebell. Okay, first you... what?
You don't have a kettlebell? Weren't you paying attention
when I told you how to make your own kettlebell
by welding an iron "C" to an ordinary metal ball? 

 Okay then. Just grab a couple of regular weights then.
These are my wife Anita's, and they're probably
too heavy for a beginner such as you.

Mine are probably too much for you, too.
Let's face it: you're a wimp. We're gonna have to start you
off with the most basic workout there is...

 PUPPY WORKOUT!

 Do a series of 10 one-armed puppy lifts,
but be careful to use proper form, keep your arm straight
and watch out for spraying puppy urine.


Two-handed puppy chest presses work...
ummmm... the chestoid muscle group.

 
 Feel.... the...  bark...



 After a few weeks of single-puppy workout,
you'll be ready to take this bitch up a notch!



 DOUBLE PUPPY WORKOUT!!!


 Be sure to... whoa... this is trickier than I thought...

Believe me... sixty minutes of puppy lifts is as effective as an
hour of lifting a similar amount of conventional weights.


So get yourself some puppies and get lifting.
Soon, if you stick with it, you'll have muscles like your ol' pal Jack.



Note: hardly any puppies were harmed in the making of this post.

21 comments:

  1. COME TO MY HOUSE PLEASE.
    we need some shit in oaktown.

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  2. Wow Mr. Jack! Your biceps look...amazing...so real...so, achem...uhm...wow. I will have to try that with my puppy. Unfortunately he weighs 200 lbs.

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  3. OMG - nearly woke up hubby laughing tot his!!! Hilarious!!! Love the pics too! :)

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  4. I like the puppy curls. I could start with that and work my way up to pushing my fat cat off my chest when I am in bed. Right now I just beg and plead for him to move with my final gasping breaths. He knows I'm the food source so he moves once he has extablished who is in charge.

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  5. Love the puppies, you can tell they are totally use to that workout :). I like how one looks like he is rolling his eyes at you during the puppy curl lol.

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  6. lol I love this Blog and so does my husband. This is great!

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  7. This is all fine and good, but my puppy is 40#! And fights me when I lift her. Her big bro is 70# and resents me doing clean and presses with him! I need a puppy who stays your puppies's size!

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  8. Oh Jack, you need to post how Anita got you to agree to 2 puppies... I need to convince hubby this is a necessity. :)

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  9. oh my gosh! thanks for the laugh!

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  10. I love me a good puppy workout! It's probably the only one where I'm smiling. ;-)

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  11. OMG to the double puppy workout!!!! Sweet Lord! That is unbearably sweet and cute.

    Cannot take it!

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  12. ...and then one small scoop of Puppy Chow for dinner, and just watch those pounds melt away!

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  13. Very rarely do I LOL when I type LOL, but I actually did LOL because that puppy is all like "seriously?"

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  14. Oh my! The puppy workout is for me! Wait, does one rotund meat-rock cat work, too?

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  15. HAHAHAHA. How did I miss this?
    Bless those puppies, they're all 'here we go again..'

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  16. Nicely written & very informative blog about weight Loss and Healthy Life. Keep it up.

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  17. Hehehe your puppy work out is greta, they look like they are quite used to it too. I have bunnies would they work as well, lol!

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  18. My gym doesn't have any puppies. Can I substitute a 9 or 11 pound cat? I also have a 17lb baby at my disposal.

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  19. Just laughed out loud - Thanks!
    I'd say I'll do the cat version, but I prefer my arm flesh to remain as it is..:)

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  20. Maybe the yorkie could be for the beginner....and then a lab for the experienced...and mastiff for the expert level!

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  21. Call me a wimp but I might have to start this exercise with my cat. I may eventually graduate to my German shepherd. This was an awesome post by the way. The puppies look so content as they are being lifted up.

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