The Ultimate Jack Sh*t Workout

 

You can't afford to hire a personal trainer or join a gym?

Well boo freakin' hoo! I'm gonna design a workout

for you to do in your own home...

 

All you need is a kettlebell. Okay, first you... what?

You don't have a kettlebell? Weren't you paying attention

when I told you how to make your own kettlebell

by welding an iron "C" to an ordinary metal ball? 

 Okay then. Just grab a couple of regular weights then.

These are my wife Anita's, and they're probably

too heavy for a beginner such as you.

Mine are probably too much for you, too.

Let's face it: you're a wimp. We're gonna have to start you

off with the most basic workout there is...

 PUPPY WORKOUT!

 Do a series of 10 one-armed puppy lifts,
but be careful to use proper form, keep your arm straight
and watch out for spraying puppy urine.

 

Two-handed puppy chest presses work...

ummmm... the chestoid muscle group.

 

 Feel.... the...  bark...

 After a few weeks of single-puppy workout,
you'll be ready to take this bitch up a notch!

 DOUBLE PUPPY WORKOUT!!!

 Be sure to... whoa... this is trickier than I thought...

Believe me... sixty minutes of puppy lifts is as effective as an

hour of lifting a similar amount of conventional weights.

So get yourself some puppies and get lifting.
Soon, if you stick with it, you'll have muscles like your ol' pal Jack.

 

Note: hardly any puppies were harmed in the making of this post.