Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Things That'll Get You Kicked Out of Whole Foods

• Putting 25 pounds of pistachios through the coffee grinder

• Continually trying to do that trick that cartoon monkeys do where you squirt a banana out of its skin and up into the air, then catch it in your mouth and eat it in a single gulp

• Getting black lentils from the bulk bin but writing down the code for brown lentils on the tag

• Squirting the tester patchouli lotion down your pants

• Jugging exotic cheeses

• Loudly asking produce guy difference between "organic" and "whoreganic" vegetables

• Attempting to pay for your groceries with coupons for free hugs

• Insisting that your groceries be sacked in bag you made yourself from collection of stripper thongs

• Demanding that you need to be led around store by your seeing-eye wolverine

• Standing in two grocery carts, one foot in each, and trying to skate around store

• Screaming at store manager that you demand to get a 40% blogger discount

Hmmmm... you better have a good reason this, fella!


  1. We were chastised for taking a pic at one of the tables we were eating at - 3 old friends meeting - whatever! ;-)

  2. I won't even ask how you know these things...

  3. Whole Foods... A.K.A. .... Whole Paycheck!!!

    1. Excuse me, but I proclaimed last month that calling them "Whole Paycheck" is no longer funny. Please get with the program!

  4. Oh, Jack! You are so right on that free hug coupon thing. Sheesh! Some people have no sense of humor!

  5. So, is that last one based on actual experiences?

    1. No, despite security cam evidence to the contrary...

  6. whole foods...the store I enter, eat free samples in and then leave clutching one extremely expensive whatever. lol.

  7. Whole Foods is the place my inner food addict child self throws a hissy fit. Imagine child screaming "I WANT...!!!" and the mama dragging her out by the back of her head. We don't go there often.

  8. yep...nuts in the grinder. will do it everytime.
    very funny post.
    Ronald Dean



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