January, 2007 – Well, I’ve been preparing myself for this, and here it is. Just weighed in at 293.6. Pants are tight as can be. Exercise at an almost all-time low. Eating completely out of control. Let’s see if I’ve got what it takes to do right.
April, 2007 – Okay, this is a matter of life and death now. A person in the office upstairs died in their car from a stroke, a result of high blood pressure (my bp was crazy high when I went to doc for my foot). She was 48. Throw in my high level of stress and poor eating habits and I’m ripe to go down early. Yuck. Feel bad.
December, 2007 – Last night of the year. I’m at home with a wrenched back from playing ball yesterday. This is it. I’m really not doing very well. Feeling crappy. Eating terribly. Not exercising much. Not accomplishing much. I’m ready to get it going again. I’ve got to. It’s now or never.
July, 2008 – It’s on like a chicken bone.
April, 2008 – Been doing decent enough job keeping after it, but still eating (and drinking) too much. Think I’m ready to have a go at doing better.
January, 2009 – So I’m starting over…
Starting… and then starting over.
Again and again and again.
People accuse me of making this weight-loss business look easy, but that’s because they don’t know that I’ve rammed my head into that brick wall more times than I care to admit. The dated blurbs above are some of my journal entries from a couple of year’s worth of failed attempts at losing my weight. I start with such fervor and focus and somewhere along the line, I simply lose my way…
Over and over, I’ve gotten a nice running start… and gone nowhere.
I’ve gone back to Square One so many times that I started listing it as my primary address.
I’ve overdone it with the do-overs, absolutely worn out the “reset” button.
I’ve committed myself and re-committed myself, but more often than not I’ve fallen flat on my face.
Believe me, I know what it’s like… but I also understand something else: there’s no shame in tripping up, no disgrace in falling down. It’s just something that happens to the best of us, to all of us.
And even if you mess it up a dozen times, a hundred times… even if you start each Monday with freshly minted determination and end each Saturday night with your arm elbow deep into an order of chili cheese fries… I encourage you to keep trying, to keep fighting the good fight.
Because one day that spark is going to ignite, and a rampant wildfire of inspiration and dedication will spontaneously embrace you, engulf you, consume you. It will singe your bad habits and scorch your doubts, and it will blaze a path to a better place.
I can’t for the life of me distinguish the catalyst that makes one weight-loss journey successful when so many before it had failed so spectacularly. I wish I could isolate and identify it when it goes missing, awake and arouse it when it lies dormant.
But I can’t. All I can do is keep trying, and hold on for all I’m worth when that spark does catch. Try to ride that lightning bolt all the way home…
I hope you’re on a solid path today, your bags packed with persistence and purpose. I hope you’ve got your heels dug in and your mind firmly wrapped around what you need to do in order to achieve your goals. I hope you find strength in your heart, hope and support from those around you and a plan that gives you every opportunity to succeed beyond your wildest dreams.
I’ve seen enough lost causes and dashed dreams to last a lifetime; I want to see you make this happen.