Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Take It From Me...

  • They say you can’t beat salmon, but you can if you have a good salmon-beater (mine came from Williams-Sonoma).
  • Squirting that spray pancake batter in your mouth because the canister looks like whipped cream isn’t such a bright idea.
  • Theoretically, running backwards on a treadmill ought to work a whole different set of muscles…
  • There’s no healthy way to make s’mores.
  • Before you give somebody the stink-eye for using the little scooters at the grocery store, it’s a good idea to make sure the person has legs.
  • They no longer sell running shoes with soles made of Flubber®.
  • Half-and-half is poorly named; it does not have half the calories of regular milk.
  • If you like eating almonds as a snack, it is not cost-effective to buy a bunch of Almond Joy bars and pick the nuts out of the middle of them.
  • I’m not saying scientists should stop working on a cure for cancer, but can’t a few of them work on solving thigh chaffing, too?
  • If the weight you’re lifting doesn’t make you say something at least halfway naughty, it’s not heavy enough.
  • If you weigh in in the nude, you should probably do it in the bathroomwith the door shut and not in the living room in front of your in-laws.
  • 
If you can't afford a good pair of running shoes, just wrapping duct tape around your feet isn't really a suitable substitute.

  • Salads are healthy but you can dillute their benefits by adding cheese, croutons or fudge.
  • People will pipe up and say something when you lose a few pounds, but you could put on fifty without anyone saying a word. To you, at least.
  • Most personal trainers dislike being paid in jars of change.
  • Even if somebody agrees to be your workout buddy, he or she proably isn't going to appreciate the "Workout Buddies" t-shirts you had made.

50 comments:

  1. Despite being a funny observation, "People will pipe up and say something when you lose a few pounds, but you could put on fifty without anyone saying a word. To you, at least." is a VERY insightful and sadly true statement!

    P.S.: I hope for some scientific thigh chaffing cures soon.

    Fudge on salad. . . LOL!

    Julia
    http://jewliagoulia.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I needed this this morning! Thanks!

    And scientists have solved the chaffing issue...it is called "eat less, move more"! Sadly, many Americans are still not getting the message!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You should start a foundation to support that chaffing research

    ReplyDelete
  4. you know the sad part? i've tried the running backwards on the treadmill thing... oh dear...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Could you send me your store link for the "workout buddies" t-shirts.....and do you have hoodies too?

    ReplyDelete
  6. You tried them all, didn't you, Jack!

    ReplyDelete
  7. So chocolate chip cookies on my salad isn't considered "eathing healthy"?

    And I say if the damn in laws are at MY house (if I had inlaws) they could friggin well put up with me weighing myself wherever I please.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love the salad one....croutons...cheese...fudge...

    Thanks for cheering up my morning!

    ReplyDelete
  9. why do I get the feeling that you may be speaking from experience on some of these :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. But I love my fudge salads.

    Also, I could sign your notary agreement per 50# warning systems. Or lack thereof.

    ReplyDelete
  11. haha, oh my god, this made me laugh out loud. which isn't good because i'm at work.

    ...clearly working dilligently.

    the nude weigh in is my favorite (in terms of this post, but i also just like nudity. whaaaaaaaaaat!)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I sooo needed this, this morning. You have no idea. It's been a rough week in my world and it's only Tuesday. Thank you so much for the smile. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Time to give up the fudge salad...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Very good, I too needed this today!
    Thanks for the laughs!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I may have to revive my stand-up career. But only if you'll be my writer. This is gold. Thank you for giving me a laugh. I needed it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Either you are a very wise man...or you try everything you write about. Which is it??LOL

    ReplyDelete
  17. Maybe I need to try that weighing in in the nude in the living room next time MIL is here for a 3 month visit - probably wouldn't scare her off though!!!

    Julia
    http://juliasjourney-finallygettingfit.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  18. To anyone, On affording running shoes ... Go to Kohl's where they have New Balance, Nike, Asics, etc. for a good price.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thanks for the laugh and the inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm going to have to stop buying all those Almond Joys.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hehehe...I've totally tried going backward on the treadmill before...its HARD! :-P

    ReplyDelete
  22. My outlaws better watch out.....When I get closer to my goal I may have to try weighing in the nude, in the living room in front of them.

    Great idea! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Walking backwards on a treadmill sucks ass, and I can totally see you squirting pancake batter into your mouth, lol. :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. I always say something naughty during my workouts, now I know that is a good thing - thanks Jack!

    ReplyDelete
  25. i'm having a crappy day and really appreciate the laughs, so thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  26. LMAO! Jack, I love your humor and then I think...where does this guy come up with this stuff...then I realize I really don't want to know. LOL. Keep it coming!

    ReplyDelete
  27. "Even if somebody agrees to be your workout buddy, he or she proably isn't going to appreciate the "Workout Buddies" t-shirts you had made."

    "It's guy love, that's all it is! Guy love, he's mine I'm his! There's nothing gay about it in our eyes..."

    ReplyDelete
  28. LOL except for the part about gaining 50 pounds and people remaining silent.

    ReplyDelete
  29. If the weight you’re lifting doesn’t make you say something at least halfway naughty, it’s not heavy enough.

    OMG...were you at my gym yesterday? I did not say any of the words out loud...but I think I mouthed a few doozies. No wonder I am so sore today! :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. You can tae-bo your salmon. It's messy, though. :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. So far no one has piped up to say I have lost 24 pounds but then again no one piped up when I gained them either. So I guess you're right ;)

    ReplyDelete
  32. *puts back the almond joy*

    Way to kill it for me Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  33. You're funny, Jack.

    And eewwwwww, salad on fudge! Wait...scratch that; reverse it. That's the only way I think I actually wouldn't like fudge!

    So...I should cancel the order for the "Workout Buddies" t-shirts, then? Too bad, I was going to send you one. *cries because Jack never appreciates anything she does for him* ;o)

    Okay, I'm insane today. Suddenly I feel like I belong here...

    ReplyDelete
  34. OK I'll stop with the fudge in my salads, but I refuse to stop adding the chocolate sprinkles!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hey these were pretty funny, thanks for making me laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Guess I won't try to send you the matching gym shirt I made for us....
    You no like?

    ReplyDelete
  37. HEHE :) great post again, and again, and again Jack...don't you get tired of me telling you that? lol

    ReplyDelete
  38. Awww, I thought that fudge was ok on my salad! D'oh, there goes the food plan next week. :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. You are wrong!

    I saw a recipe for a healthy s'more in Hungry Girl....

    No, I am wrong. I saw a huge s'more in a Hungry Man dinner.

    My oopsie!

    ReplyDelete
  40. I like the joke set in the grocery. Made me LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I wonder how many of your readers know about shoes with soles made of Flubber?

    ReplyDelete
  42. LOL! This post was great.

    I actually knew a guy at the gym who would speed-walk backwards on the treadmill for half of the time. He said he liked it 'cause it worked different muscles.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Hey Jack,
    If you're interested, I've started up again at a new home: http://www.timeifinishwhatistarted.com/?p=280

    Hope to see you there!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Drats! I thought they'd love the workout buddies shirts I had made...what a waste...ha

    ReplyDelete
  45. This one is soo true!!!! --> People will pipe up and say something when you lose a few pounds, but you could put on fifty without anyone saying a word. To you, at least.

    Any insight as to why??

    ReplyDelete
  46. Hey, love your blog, great stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  47. "I’m not saying scientists should stop working on a cure for cancer, but can’t a few of them work on solving thigh chaffing, too?"

    I'm totally, completely, all for this. There is nothing worse then trying to enjoy your night when the insides of your thighs are swollen....

    ReplyDelete
  48. Jack, you're one of the best bloggers around, I hope you know. And there's a pretty little award for you over at my blog.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails