Thursday, May 15, 2014

Weight Loss Tips for the Incredibly Rich

• Instead of lard, try cooking with Lambda Ultra Premium Extra Virgin Olive Oil, made from hand-harvested, cold-pressed Koroneiki olives and packaged  in a hand-crafted case with two 18k gold plates—one of which, along with the bottle, bears the owner’s name (a bargain at only $14,698).

• Start each morning with a 5K run along your private beach.

• Give yourself $10,000 each time you meet a weight-loss goal.

• Even though it looks pretty, don’t glue a bunch of diamonds on your scale; they hurt to stand on and will add a small amount of weight to your total.

• Limo yoga is a excellent way to combine exercise and running errands.

• You can make your diet more low-fat by asking your personal chef to cook more low-fat dishes, dumbass. 

• Stress can make you overeat, so bring in a classical quartet to play soothing music while you dine.


• Hire Morgan Freeman to call you up each day and read my blog to you.


6 comments:

  1. Working on that private beach thing. Now where did I put that winning lottery ticket???

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  2. Please can you describe how one can do Limo Yoga? Thanks for the posting

    See more on how to lose weight here
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    ReplyDelete
  3. For giving yourself $10,000 every time you lose weight, either you should be extremely rich or fail to reach your weight loss goal. http://goo.gl/Zefsq6

    ReplyDelete
  4. you forgot the part where they pay YOU to call them personally every morning and write them a mantra..such as 'mantras are not nearly as stupid as you think they are." That one is my favorite.

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  5. I do a Morgan Freeman impression, so I just re-read your post in his voice and cadence. And I must admit, it seems so much better when Morgan Freeman says it. Heck, everything seems better when he says it. Thank you for the smiles today. I must communicate my good intentions to the personal chef--thanks for the great idea!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautiful visual of walking on the beach. I think it is full of pleasure. See here for quick and great weight loss. http://www.amazingaus.com/best-exercises-to-lose-weight-fast/

    ReplyDelete

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