Thursday, May 15, 2014

Weight Loss Tips for the Incredibly Rich

• Instead of lard, try cooking with Lambda Ultra Premium Extra Virgin Olive Oil, made from hand-harvested, cold-pressed Koroneiki olives and packaged  in a hand-crafted case with two 18k gold plates—one of which, along with the bottle, bears the owner’s name (a bargain at only $14,698).

• Start each morning with a 5K run along your private beach.

• Give yourself $10,000 each time you meet a weight-loss goal.

• Even though it looks pretty, don’t glue a bunch of diamonds on your scale; they hurt to stand on and will add a small amount of weight to your total.

• Limo yoga is a excellent way to combine exercise and running errands.

• You can make your diet more low-fat by asking your personal chef to cook more low-fat dishes, dumbass. 

• Stress can make you overeat, so bring in a classical quartet to play soothing music while you dine.

• Hire Morgan Freeman to call you up each day and read my blog to you.


  1. Working on that private beach thing. Now where did I put that winning lottery ticket???

  2. Please can you describe how one can do Limo Yoga? Thanks for the posting

    See more on how to lose weight here

  3. For giving yourself $10,000 every time you lose weight, either you should be extremely rich or fail to reach your weight loss goal.

  4. you forgot the part where they pay YOU to call them personally every morning and write them a mantra..such as 'mantras are not nearly as stupid as you think they are." That one is my favorite.

  5. I do a Morgan Freeman impression, so I just re-read your post in his voice and cadence. And I must admit, it seems so much better when Morgan Freeman says it. Heck, everything seems better when he says it. Thank you for the smiles today. I must communicate my good intentions to the personal chef--thanks for the great idea!

  6. Beautiful visual of walking on the beach. I think it is full of pleasure. See here for quick and great weight loss.



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