Be Fit and Healthy Until You Keel Over and Die

• If you have a desk job, take a short break every hour and riverdance for five minutes.

• In the afternoon, try drinking a glass of V-8 juice instead of eating a rack of ribs.

• You can burn more calories on a walk by walking faster, dumbass.

• One way to make yourself drink more water is to set off a pack of firecrackers in your mouth.

• Tired of paying for expensive salad dressing? Do you have access to a friend's kitchen and a bulky purse?

• You can make your own "StairMaster" at home using a set of stairs (email me for detailed plans).

• Make sure you're rinsing your mouth out with mouthwash and not sno-cone syrup.

• Sex can burn over 10,000 calories per hour (please back me up on this "fact" if my wife Anita asks...)

DAILY SCALEY

 

Coulda been better, coulda been worse...