Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Jack Sh*t's Guide to Healthy Fair Food

So it was time for my annual outing to take my daughter Pisa and her pals to the fair. Since she's a "give-me-$$$-and-leave-me-alone-teenager" now, I thought I'd use my free time to explore what healthy eating options the fair has to offer...

Now this is going to come as somewhat of a shock to you, but most of the concession stand workers at the fair can't provide reliable calorie counts for what they're peddling. Luckily, there's a simple solution: just print out this post, shrink it down somehow, laminate it and carry it around with you at all times.

Fried Twinkie
425 calories,  34 g fat
More healthy option: Baked Twinkie - 150 calories.

Hog on a Log (bacon-wrapped corn dog)
361 calories, 26 g  fat
More healthy option: Banana on a Bandana - 73 calories

Frozen Cheesecake on a Stick
180 calories, 10 g fat
More healthy option: String cheese on a string - 80 calories

Blooming Onion
1320 calories, 72 g fat
More healthy option: Anything


Deep Fried Snickers Bar
444 calories, 29 g fat
More healthy option: One Hershey's Kiss - 29 calories

Chili Cheese Fries
670 calories, 46 g fat (9 oz)
More healthy option: Eating your own poo

Chocolate-Dipped Twinkie on a Stick
392 calories, 18 g fat
More healthy option: Chocolate-Dipped Stick - 33 calories

Elephant Ears/Funnelcake
760 calories, 44 g fat
More healthy option: Real elephant ear (baked), 125 calories

Turkey Leg
1,136 calories, 54 g fat
More healthy option: Turkey Jerky - 80 calories

Deep Fried Pickles
174 calories, 4 g fat (per pickle)
More healthy option: Duh... regular pickle - 5 calories.

Fried Oreo
232 calories, 14 g fat 
More healthy option: Fried celery sticks - waitaminute... you can fry celery sticks?

Fried Mac-N-Cheese
1528 calories, 65 g fat
More healthy option: One hamperful of raw almonds - 26, 220 calories.
Even healthier option: One handful of raw almonds - 164 calories 

Can of cold, refreshing beer
135 calories
More healthy option: Gimme a break! I'm at the fair! 

Hand Sanitizer
0 calories, 0 g fat
Eat all you want!

So there you go! Have a rockin' good time at the fair,
but just keep in mind that somewhere there's a scale with your name on it...

Note: Calorie and fat counts were done using a combination of internet research and a scientific process known as "guesstimation". Your mileage may vary.

 No fair...


  1. I'll admit it: I've eaten a deep fried Snickers. And it was good.

  2. Hmmm ... looks like I better start eating my own feces.

  3. HA! I love how you went around snapping all the food signs. I wasn't brave enough to even attend a fair this year. I'm a sucker for the BBQ stand. I can go to town on a rock of baby backs! lol



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