• In the afternoon, try drinking a glass of V-8 juice instead of eating a rack of ribs.
• You can burn more calories on a walk by walking faster, dumbass.
• One way to make yourself drink more water is to set off a pack of firecrackers in your mouth.
• Tired of paying for expensive salad dressing? Do you have access to a friend's kitchen and a bulky purse?
• You can make your own "StairMaster" at home using a set of stairs (email me for detailed plans).
• Make sure you're rinsing your mouth out with mouthwash and not sno-cone syrup.
• Sex can burn over 10,000 calories per hour (please back me up on this "fact" if my wife Anita asks...)
Coulda been better, coulda been worse...