Monday, September 10, 2012

Be Fit and Healthy Until You Keel Over and Die

• If you have a desk job, take a short break every hour and riverdance for five minutes.

• In the afternoon, try drinking a glass of V-8 juice instead of eating a rack of ribs.

• You can burn more calories on a walk by walking faster, dumbass.

• One way to make yourself drink more water is to set off a pack of firecrackers in your mouth.

• Tired of paying for expensive salad dressing? Do you have access to a friend's kitchen and a bulky purse?

• You can make your own "StairMaster" at home using a set of stairs (email me for detailed plans).

• Make sure you're rinsing your mouth out with mouthwash and not sno-cone syrup.

• Sex can burn over 10,000 calories per hour (please back me up on this "fact" if my wife Anita asks...)

Coulda been better, coulda been worse...


  1. As usual, you crack me up.

    The funny thing is how many huge glossy spreads in fitness magazines and countless articles and books that have been published that can be summed up by #3.



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