Hey, Do You Know Any Fitness Conversation Starters?

"Say, do you know which direction you're supposed to walk on this treadmill?"

• "I'm looking for the spinning class; do you know if it's near that bicycling class over there."

• "HEY! I SEE YOU'RE WEARING HEADPHONES; WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? MUSIC?"

• "That guy over there bench-pressing 900 pounds thinks he's soooo strong."

• "Pardon me... what's good for chaffed thighs?"

• "Listen, I'm really not superstitious, but you're on my lucky elliptical."

• "Y'know what I like to say when I'm on the StairMaster? I AM THE STAIRMASTER!"

• "I think the sauna is haunted."

• "Does this lat pull look latty enough?"

• "I've never understood why fitness centers never have a giant hamster wheel."

• "Do you read that blog Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit? Me either!"

Fitness Center Conversation Starters

Since I've been in the gym so much lately, I've been breaking in some new conversation starters for you. Go make a new buddy...

• “Look how puffy my muscles are getting!”
• “I was gonna take human growth hormone, but I read somewhere that Flintstones chewables are basically the same thing.”
• “What’s up, my brother from another mother?”
• “Excuse me–where’s the hopscotch grid?”
• “Did you know that a full bladder is roughly the size of a softball?”
• “Check ‘em out… spandex mittens!”
• “Ewwww…somebody filled my water bottle with mayonnaise.”
• “Do you think these short shorts are too short?”
• “I’m a maniac, maaaaaniac, on the floor. And I’m dancing like I’ve NEVER danced BEFORE. What? What? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?”
• “Will you be my treadmill partner?”
• “Hey, I’m gonna be over there on the Taffy Puller if you need me.”
• “I think my personal trainer hates me. Probably because I slashed her tires.”
• “Hey, wanna watch me do arm curls?”
• “I just completed a marathon. Yeah, it was the Gilligan’s Island marathon on TV Land.”
• “Tag… you’re it!”
• “Hey, you’ve got a wireless cell phone.”
• “Do you read Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit? Me neither.”

Even More Fitness Center Conversation Starters

• “When I’m on the rowing machine, I like to pretend that I’m rowing on a rowboat.”

• “The human tongue is the only muscle in the human body that is not attached at both ends.”
  
  
• “I know all the words to the ‘Pillow Pets’ song.”
  
  
• “Does this taste like hemlock to you?”
  
  
• “You know what I like about wearing spandex? Everything!”
  
  
• “Do you mind if I do the limbo under the weight bar in between your chest presses?”
  
  
• “Excuse me… do you know what this place’s policy is on peeing in the shower?”
  
  
• “Homemade elk jerky?”
  
  
• “I took eight years of Spanish in school. Listen: “No hablo español.”
  
  
• “I’ll bet I can guess your height.”
  
  
• “I saw a documentary last night that said beetles can run faster than horses, and that the males can roar like lions!”
  
  
• “That dude over there lifting 900 lbs thinks he’s so strong…”
  
  
• “Will you tell me if this lat pull is latty enough?”
  
  
• “Have you seen that movie with that guy that’s married to that blond girl from that TV show?”
  
  
• “Can you believe that this place discourages shower urination?”
  
  
• “I accidentally hired a personnel trainer instead of a personal trainer; it hasn’t helped my fitness, but I got some good tips for my company’s HR department.”
  
  
• “I wonder if they make a treadmill that goes sideways.”
  
  
• “I’m wearing these Uggs cuz I couldn’t find my regular workout shoes.”
  
  
• “Hey, do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checkin' out my package.”
  
  
• “Do you read that blog Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit? Me either!”

Holy Sh*t… More Fitness Center Conversation Starters

• “Shhhhh, there’s the personal trainer. Pretend like you’re exercising…”
• “Do you know if they have any lighter weights that look like heavier weights?”
• “Excuse me, do you believe in magic?”
• “IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME, SPEAK LOUDLY BECAUSE I’M WEARING EARPHONES.”
• “I’m working on making my muscles more bumpy.”
• “Do you think that lady over there is pulling one of those ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ deals?”
• “I’m training to be a circus strongman!”
• “If I don’t… finish this set… the terrorists win…”
• “Y’know what would be awesome… a karoke spin class.”
• “Why oh why did I ever buy a steel-wool jockstrap?”
• “Wow, I accidentally filled my water bottled with maynaisse.”
• “Did you know that if they took out your lungs and stretched them out, they could cover a tennis court?”
• “My prison bitch nickname is "Queer Johnny”.
  
• “Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off? Waitaminute… I’m sorry, that’s one of my bar pick-up lines…”
• “I have an idea for a game show called ‘Who Wants to Be a Treamillionaire?’”
• “Aiiiiiyyyyyy… I’m sweating!”

Just a Few More Fitness Center Conversation Starters

• “Do you know where they sell a good men’s sports bra?”
• “I’m trying to get in shape for fishin’ season.”
• “Did you know that BMI doesn’t stand for ‘Bowel Movement Indicator?’”
• “You may be able to bench press your weight, but I can eat my weight in Milk Duds.”
• “It’s a workout Snuggie, dumbass.”
• “Can you do me a favor? Watch me to a lat pull and tell me if you think it’s pretty.”
• “I just downloaded an app that tracks how many sit-ups I should have done.”
• “Do you know anyone who would trade personal training sessions for yodeling lessons?”
• “My old gym wasn’t this shiny.”
• “I think of this place as my Sweet Sweat Palace!”
• “Would you like to hear me recite a haiku?”
• “Did you know babies are born without kneecaps? It’s true!”
• “High-five! I did a push-up!”
• “Before I get started, do you happen to know CPR?”
• “I’m feeling extra exercisey today!”
• “You know what they say: ‘No pain, no assimilation of nutrients in order to facilitate muscle weight gain.’”
• “I dare you to try to bench press 1,000 pounds.”
• “My Jersey Shore nickname is ‘DJ Douchebag’.”
• “I took my aunt to the prom. Oh, I’m sorry… I thought you said ‘What’s your most embarrassing secret?’ not ‘Are you almost done on the elliptical?’”