Our story actually begins here if you're a glutton for punishment...
Mr. Dithers: So anyway, this guy at my office is eating pizza and chili and these huge sandwiches and he never… I mean, he NEVER gains a pound. And he’s got a hot wife. It’s not fair!
Hagar: Jack: Do you have any other employees? I mean, you complain about this one guy all the time. Why not just fire him if he bugs you so much?
PHB: You should just keep giving him extra assignments until he quits.
Hagar: Ummmmm… is this the meeting of…um… fat… comic strip characters?
Jack: You’re in the right place. Take off your pointy hat and pull up a chair, Mister…
Hagar: Hagar the Horrible.
Jack: Okay, this is Mister Dahorrible. Welcome to T.O.O.N…. Toons Overcoming Obesity Now. And, ummmm… Mister Dahorrible? We don’t really like to label anybody ‘fat’.
Fat Chick: *ahem*
Jack: Well, except Fat Chick there from that caveman strip… you know, Fat Chick? That really just feels wrong…
Hagar: Well, I’m perfectly happy the way I am, but my wife has been giving me some grief lately.
Ziggy: Happiness doesn't depend on how much you have to enjoy ... but how much you enjoy what you have!
Fat Albert: I’m about to beat yo bald ass!
Sgt Snorkel: Can we get rid of the gang-banger already?
Fat Albert: Oh, you think 'cuz I’m African-American I gotta be in a gang?
Walt Duncan: Well, there are seventeen black kids waiting for you out by the street.
Fat Albert: Those are the Cosby Kids, bitch.
Jack: Settle down, let’s get back to Mr Dither’s problem...
Mr. Wilson: What about the fact that my wife is constantly baking cookies for the brat next door? My house smells like cookies 24/7!
Jack: Excuse me, Cathy? Roger? What’s are you two giggling about?
Charlie Brown: They’re watching youtube videos of me trying to kick a football.
Roger: *snicker* … she pulls it away… right when… he goes… to *snicker* kick it…
Cathy: It’s just… *snicker* … mean.
Jack: Good health is kind of like that, isn’t it? I mean, we get so excited to see positive results, and then…
Charlie Brown: THEN A PINT-SIZED PSYCHO PULLS THE BALL AWAY AT THE LAST MINUTE!
Hagar: Ummmm, I think I’m gonna head out now…
Jack: Okay, but you’re welcome to come back anytime. Remember our motto…
Everyone: WE’RE NOT FAT… WE’RE JUST DRAWN THAT WAY!