Back on the Strip...

Our story actually begins here if you're a glutton for punishment...

Mr. Dithers: So anyway, this guy at my office is eating pizza and chili and these huge sandwiches and he never… I mean, he NEVER gains a pound. And he’s got a hot wife. It’s not fair!


Hagar: Jack: Do you have any other employees? I mean, you complain about this one guy all the time. Why not just fire him if he bugs you so much?

PHB: You should just keep giving him extra assignments until he quits.

Hagar: Ummmmm… is this the meeting of…um… fat… comic strip characters?

Jack: You’re in the right place. Take off your pointy hat and pull up a chair, Mister…

Hagar: Hagar the Horrible.

Jack: Okay, this is Mister Dahorrible. Welcome to T.O.O.N…. Toons Overcoming Obesity Now. And, ummmm… Mister Dahorrible? We don’t really like to label anybody ‘fat’.

Fat Chick: *ahem*

Jack: Well, except Fat Chick there from that caveman strip… you know, Fat Chick? That really just feels wrong…

Hagar: Well, I’m perfectly happy the way I am, but my wife has been giving me some grief lately.

Ziggy: Happiness doesn't depend on how much you have to enjoy ... but how much you enjoy what you have!

Fat Albert: I’m about to beat yo bald ass!

Sgt Snorkel: Can we get rid of the gang-banger already?

Fat Albert: Oh, you think 'cuz I’m African-American I gotta be in a gang?

Walt Duncan: Well, there are seventeen black kids waiting for you out by the street.

Fat Albert: Those are the Cosby Kids, bitch.

Jack: Settle down, let’s get back to Mr Dither’s problem...

Mr. Wilson: What about the fact that my wife is constantly baking cookies for the brat next door? My house smells like cookies 24/7!

Jack: Excuse me, Cathy? Roger? What’s are you two giggling about?

Charlie Brown: They’re watching youtube videos of me trying to kick a football.

Roger: *snicker* … she pulls it away… right when… he goes… to *snicker*  kick it…

Cathy: It’s just… *snicker* … mean.

Jack: Good health is kind of like that, isn’t it? I mean, we get so excited to see positive results, and then…

Charlie Brown: THEN A PINT-SIZED PSYCHO PULLS THE BALL AWAY AT THE LAST MINUTE!

Hagar: Ummmm, I think I’m gonna head out now…

Jack: Okay, but you’re welcome to come back anytime. Remember our motto…

Everyone: WE’RE NOT FAT… WE’RE JUST DRAWN THAT WAY!

A Night on the Strip...

Albert: Hey, Hey, Hey…

Jack: Hey, aren’t you…?

Albert: I’m Faaaaaat Albert!

Jack: Uh oh, Al. That’s exactly the kind of negative self recriminations that we’re fighting here at T.O.O.N.

Albert: Who?

Jack: T.O.O.N. Toons Overcoming Obesity Now; it’s my new weight-loss workshop for overweight cartoon characters. We meet every Monday evening.

Albert: The flyer said there’d be free cookies.

Jack: Yeah, I just put that on the flyer to help with attendance. Here... have a seat and I’ll introduce the others. That’s Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown: Good grief... I’m not fat. I just have a really big, really round head.

Jack: Uh huh, and that’s the… well… that’s the Fat Broad from B.C.

Fat Broad: I’m on the Paleo diet.

Jack: And beside her is Cathy.

Cathy: Awwwwwk. I just want to lose 10 pounds before swimsuit season starts tomorrow!

Jack: Whatever. And that’s the Pointy-Haired Boss from Dilbert.

PHB: I thought this was a manager’s seminar.

Jack: That’s Walt from Zits and the dad from FoxTrot. And… okay, who let that damn cat in again?

Sgt Snorkel: Ummmmm, you can’t say “damn”… you need to say “%&;#” instead.

Mr. Dithers: I don’t get it; I’ve got an employee that eats these giant sandwiches and he’s skinny as all Hell… I mean, “#@&%%;”.

Jack: Ummmm… the meeting hasn’t officially kicked off yet, Mister D.

Ziggy: Hey, there’s a little kid in the parking lot keying up all the cars.

Mr. Wilson: DENNNNNNNNIS!

Jack: Where’s everybody going? We need to get the meeting started!

Albert: Hey, is that cat eating lasagna?

Jack: $&%! That’s my supper, Garfield!

Albert: Hey, hey, hey! This is great! Where do I sign up?

Jack: I hate Mondays.