Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Dieter to the Guy

“Will you walk into my parlor?” said the dieter to the guy;

“‘Tis the healthiest snacks I serve there that ever you did try.

The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,

And I have many healthy foodstuffs 

To offer once we’re there.”

“Oh no, no,” said the too-big guy;
“To ask me is in vain,
For who’ll go up your winding stair 

For snacks made from whole grain?”

“I’m sure you must be hungry, bud. 

Of that you can’t deny.

Just try one of my smoothies,” said the dieter to the guy.
“Made from the freshest fruit around;
I’ve added protein whey.
I think you’ll really like it,
It’s a good-for-you parfait!”

“Oh no, no,” said the too-big guy, 

“That smoothie I’ll not take,
I’d rather head to Sonic for
A Coconut Crème Pie Shake!” 

Said the cunning dieter to the guy:

“Dear friend, what can I do
To prove that things that taste good
Can be so good for you?

I have within my pantry
Good foods that aren’t refined;
I’m sure you’ll appreciate that they
Won’t add to your bottom-line.”

“Oh no, no,” said the too-big guy; 

“Kind sir, that cannot be:
The kind of food in your pantry
Was just not made for me!”

“You dumbass!” said the dieter,
“It’s time that you got wise;
You’ll find that when you eat better,
Feeling better is your prize! 

When you gaze into the looking-glass
Upon my parlor shelf;

If you will eat the way I’ve asked you to,

You won’t believe yourself!”
“I’ll think about it, okay?” he said,
“I knew I’d have to one day.
And, maybe now’s the time to start,
Or quite possibly Monday.” 

The dieter turned him round about,
And went into his den,

He fired up his computer and started working
On his blog again:

So he wove a subtle post in a manner sly,

And set his table ready to ensnare the guy;

Then came out to his door again and merrily did sing: 

“Come hither, hither, fatty guy, it’s time to do this thing!;

Your pants fit bad, are way too-tight;
You’re on a bad trajectory.
You face has more chins
Than a Chinese phone directory.”

At last, at last! Finally, at long last, this silly too-big guy,

Hearing the dieter’s inspiring words, came slowly flitting by;

With hopeful heart, he changed his ways,
His old bad habits ceased,
He cut out all the things he loved
That were brown and fried in grease.
Thinking of his future goals,
Smart, prudent choice! At last!

He started eating healthy food, just like the dieter asked;
He cooked at home, ate fresh fare, turned things around one-eighty.

And found his future didn't have
To be so over-weighty! 

And now, dear little children, who may this story read,

To greasy, fattening meals, I pray you’ll have no need;
Good health comes to those with a healthy food supply.

So take a lesson from this tale of the dieter and the guy.


  1. Hee, love ^_^
    Spent a day with extended family yesterday, and heard many 'Oh, I'll start on Monday... after Christmas'.. I shall remember to shout "You Dumbass" next time. ;)

  2. I love this! I always look forward to reading your posts, they sure make me laugh! Love it!

  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  4. Fun. Love it!(best blog post I've read all day. thank you!)

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. I'll save you some time; I generally delete any comments with spammy links included. I'm trying to cut back on spam in my diet.

  6. Brilliant! But should verse two say too-big guy, not too-good guy?

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  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  9. People seem to be serving up spam today. Such empty calories!

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